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January 31, 2012

Wrong Answer

One of my guilty pleasures is occasionally reading Dear Prudence, an advice column I find immensely gratifying because for the perennially unclueful, what goes around nearly always comes around to bite them in the tuckus.

One of my all time favorite questions came from a man who had pressured his wife of 4 years relentlessly to have sex with another couple. Eventually, the poor woman gave in and the two of them hooked up with another married couple and did what people generally do in these situations - have lots of hot, nasty monkey sex.

The husband wrote in with a heart wrenching dilemma: having cajoled, threatened, and pestered his wife into doing something she did not want to do, he was now tortured by recurring visions of his spouse screaming in ecstasy for 2 hours while another man had sex with her.

[thud]

Like I said, it's a guilty pleasure. But even I can't laugh at today's sad tale of woe:

Q. Friend Has Revised One-Night Stand Story: A friend recently called me and said she had a one-night stand after drinking too much. She was beating herself up over drinking too much and going home with a guy she met at a bar. I reassured her that everyone makes mistakes and didn't think much more of the account. However, since then, she has told many people that she was a victim of date-rape—that the guy must have put something into her drink . She spoke to a rape crisis line, and they said even if she was drunk, she couldn't have given consent so she was a victim of rape. She now wants to press charges—she has the guy's business card. I have seen her very intoxicated on previous occasions, to the point she doesn't remember anything the next day. I'm not sure on what my response should be at this point. Pretend she never told me the original story?

Leaving aside for a moment the utter inanity of people writing in to an advice columnist hoping she will let their conscience off the hook (or the amusing thought of a fiendish, would be date rapist who thoughtfully leaves his business card so the victim will have no trouble finding him), I am just stunned.

Pretending you never heard the original story is NOT an option here. We're talking about someone making a false criminal accusation that could land an innocent man in jail.

The right answer is to go to your friend and tell her that if you find out she has filed rape charges against this man, you will have no choice but to contact his defense attorney and offer to testify in his behalf.

**************

Just for you, spd!

Quite possibly the funniest thing I've read in ages.

Posted by Cassandra at January 31, 2012 07:06 AM

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Comments

Two hours?

Posted by: spd rdr - at January 31, 2012 09:53 AM

I just updated with a link to his letter. Enjoy :)

Posted by: Cassandra at January 31, 2012 10:06 AM

Very odd. I mean, in the 344 years that I've been married, probably 289 of them have been spent waiting for my wife to finish doing whatever it is that she's doing while I'm waiting. But usually I just turn on ESPN. I'm guessing that this moron probably had time to watch 3 full quarters of basketball.

Posted by: spd rdr - at January 31, 2012 11:01 AM

"Two hours?"

To borrow a phrase from Rooster Cogburn, windage and elevation Mr. Rdr, windage and elevation.


Maybe the fellow on the other end of this besotted tussle should consider telling a few close acquaintances, the rape crisis center advisor, Oprah, Jerry Springer and a good attorney that the lady must have placed something in his drink and had her randy way with him...


I would have prefaced my comment with an all seriousness aside but, no, I think not.

Posted by: bthun at January 31, 2012 11:56 AM

I'm guessing that this moron probably had time to watch 3 full quarters of basketball.

Exactly.

On another note, I couldn't help but think of this gem.

Posted by: Cassandra at January 31, 2012 12:14 PM

Link. Busted.

Posted by: spd rdr - at January 31, 2012 12:46 PM

I'm guessing you've already seen it, but it's fixed now!

Posted by: Cassandra at January 31, 2012 12:48 PM

Good grief I got trapped in there (Dear Prudence) that is. I almost laughed myself silly on some of them. My absolute fav.

Dear Prudence my new sister in law has a five year old boy. At our first meeting the boy came up to his mother and said "I'm thirsty." She proceeded to breast feed him. I'm wondering if I should say something?

It's killin' me.

Posted by: Allen at January 31, 2012 05:34 PM

Normally I do not read advice columns, but for some reason I clicked on a link one day and wasted a good half hour laughing my tuckus off.

Where do these folks come from? They frighten me, deeply.

Posted by: Cassandra at January 31, 2012 06:13 PM

"Two hours" shouldn't be too surprising if you consider that there are alternative methods of taking her experience into account that don't rely on the, shall we way, inherent limitations of narrow aspects of the man's experience. This other fellow obviously aimed to please.

Posted by: Texan99 at January 31, 2012 06:14 PM

"Where do these folks come from?"

Some of them are your neighbors, you can bet on it. Bwahahaha!

Posted by: Allen at January 31, 2012 06:56 PM

"Normally I do not read advice columns..."
IMHO, Words to live by...
"Where do these folks come from?"

Some of them are your neighbors, you can bet on it. Bwahahaha!

Rod Serling was prescient.

Posted by: bthun at January 31, 2012 07:07 PM

On the idiot pressuring his wife to "swing" and then regretting it - can you say - Schadenfreude?

You read those "advice columns" and come to the conclusion that you are "normal" - ie, not getting an invitation to the Jerry Springer Show.

Posted by: Bill Brandt at February 1, 2012 12:46 AM

...he was now tortured by recurring visions of his spouse screaming in ecstasy for 2 hours while another man had sex with her.

I'd say the lady's act had the intended effect.

As to the rest, the letter writer is a witness to a pending crime. That person has no (moral) choice but to first advise the "friend" of her (?) intention to advise the authorities should the "friend" follow through, and second, to do so should the "friend' do so. Which you've already said. And to not worry about the friendship: what's the value of a relationship with this person?

Eric Hines

Posted by: E Hines at February 1, 2012 06:49 PM

I knew there was a reason I never removed my bookmark for
VC. Every now and then I would check it and sigh for the good old days when I would become enlightened or amused by one of your posts. Welcome back. And thanks.

Posted by: QzSusy at April 27, 2012 06:33 PM

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