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April 17, 2012

It's Official: We Are Doomed

Posted by Cassandra at April 17, 2012 12:00 PM

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I think the appropriate punishment for doing this to your child is the time honored classic of pointing and laughing. At the parents.

Posted by: MikeD at April 17, 2012 02:39 PM

Technically, only some of us are doomed. Others of us will be picking through their stuff when the wolves are finished.

Posted by: Grim at April 17, 2012 02:56 PM

This is child abuse. Some of us will be helping the wolves.

Eric Hines

Posted by: E Hines at April 17, 2012 03:12 PM

This is child abuse. Where are the knee- and shoulder pads? And the leash?

Posted by: Texan99 at April 17, 2012 03:49 PM

How much does the weight of the helmet increase the probability of Junior losing his balance and falling?

Posted by: htom at April 17, 2012 03:55 PM

Because since the invention of children, parents have been putting their kids in mortal peril by allowing them to touch shoes. Or walk around not encased in bubble-wrap. Or at least with a stupid blue helmet on their wee little noggins.

Posted by: Book at April 17, 2012 04:50 PM

Where are the...leash?

I guess I was abused. When I was a toddler in SmallTown, IA, I had the wanderlust (this was before the dog pack--or after, I don't remember). My parents assured me that, in order to keep that under control, I was tied out to the clothesline in the back yard in a dog harness and a long-ish rope, so I could run around, but not run off.

Never did figure out how to get my lead over the end poles of the clothesline apparatus and hang from it....

Eric Hines

Posted by: E Hines at April 17, 2012 06:16 PM


My parents, and the woman who I thought was my mom for the first few years of my life, Edna, would turn me loose after breakfast every morning knowing I'd return when I was hungry, hurt or ready for a nap.

I guess I was neglected... Yeeehaaa!

I wish my kids could have known that freedom not to mention safety and innocent perspective of their world when they were that age.

Even out in the country, locking one's doors at night is a good idea nowadays, but a nerf helmet? Seriously?

Posted by: bthun at April 17, 2012 08:57 PM

I guess I was abused too - drank water from a garden hose, like the above, let out after breakfast, returning when I was hungry, hurt or tired, played lacrosse with real wood sticks and cat gut nets (never mind the solid rubber ball coming at you at 100+mph), football with no face guard, climbing 100' shale cliffs, but I survived.

Posted by: Grumpy Curmudgeon at April 17, 2012 09:46 PM

Football had helmets and the single-bar face guard. Ninth grade teeth protectors were invented. You could fit an entire football team into (well, some were onto) a '47 Jeep.

Cars had seat belts -- if you installed them yourself.

Everyone had a pocket knife.

Males with hunting licenses brought firearms and ammo to school, and gave speeches on how to handle different kinds of firearms safely. Only comment I heard from school administration on this was "Is that your new deer rifle? I like that hunk of wood under it!" from the principal.

We played with blobs of liquid mercury on the counter in chemistry class, and the teacher froze some with liquid nitrogen into a hammer, which we hit things with until it melted.

Spare tires were full size, had tubes. Radial tires and ABS were features on the F-100.

We used slipsticks, invented pocket calculators, and went to the moon.

Posted by: htom at April 17, 2012 11:59 PM

"Posted by: htom at April 17, 2012 11:59 PM"

Those were some pretty good old days. I count myself fortunate to have come along during that time, and in this nation.

I can't complain, but sometimes I still do...

Posted by: bt_my-pickup-does---oh---45_hun at April 18, 2012 01:27 AM

I consider myself lucky to have come up in life during that time when a work ethic was instilled by parents, actual history was taught in the schools, and civics was a responsibility not taken as a joke. After 3 years and a combat tour in the Marines and 30 years with my company, I had to hire my replacement before I could retire. After interviewing more than 25 college graduates, we couldn't find one who would accept the job - literally the 'Bill Gates Rules For Students' applied, all were expecting a company paid cell phone, a car, and a starting salary that was totally out of industry range. Had one tell me directly when the offer was made "You want me to work those hours for that? I'd rather dig ditches for Brown and Root!". Had another that kept referring to everyone in the company as dinosaurs to the point my clerk finally got fed up and told her "Listen Sweet Pea, these dinosaurs built this city".

As I take the luxury of looking back - those smoke filled rooms produced some pretty good Presidents, unlike the process we have in place now - 'course then we didn't have a biased media.

I don't believe that my oath to "uphold and defend the Constitution against all enemies, foreign and domestic..." came with an expiration date!

Posted by: Grumpy Curmudgeon at April 18, 2012 05:48 AM

Many is the old-fashioned real-silver dime I've coated with mercury. Mercury won't stick to a penny or nickel, but it forms a slippery coating on silver. Mercury and liquid nitrogen were my favorite toys when I accompanied my father to work on days when I didn't have school.

No bicycle helmets, either, and we never bothered with seat belts. Oddly, I picked up a strong seatbelt habit from watching an effective series of PSA ads on TV in the 60s. It's not often that kind of thing is effective. Does anyone remember the ads showing a woman being interviewed in a casual position on a sofa, saying something like, "I'm only going a few blocks to the store. Besides, it wrinkles my dress," then cutting to the same person in traction in hospital clothes in the same posture? That image stuck with me so thoroughly that I almost always see it when I climb into a car.

Posted by: Texan99 at April 18, 2012 08:38 AM

Re: Seatbelts - they weren't standard in a 66 VW, but I added them because I raced the bug. Late one night, something had told me to put the harness on - 15 minutes later, I rolled the bug 12 times, twice end over end due to a front suspension collapse, I walked out with a wrenched back and a cut on my forehead from the roof collapsing. 45 years ago and I haven't missed putting my seat belts on once.

Posted by: Grumpy Curmudgeon at April 18, 2012 09:23 AM

...watching an effective series of PSA ads on TV in the 60s.

We got similar things in our high school drivers' ed classes. Gory messes they were, but effective. None of us ever felt put out at using our seat belts.

Cut to the Philippines in the '80s. My Filipina secretary had scars on one side of her face from where, some years prior, she'd gone through the windshield in a car accident from not being belted in. For all that, she always had to be ordered to put on her seat belt whenever she got into my car: yup, the belt might wrinkle her dress.

Even so, we carry our mania for safety to such an extreme that our safety measures themselves are unsafe.

Eric Hines

Posted by: E Hines at April 18, 2012 03:30 PM

"We got similar things in our high school drivers' ed classes. Gory messes they were, but effective. None of us ever felt put out at using our seat belts."

Indeed. Driving iddy biddy to midsized fast cars fast reinforced in me the need to wear belts even as the Ohio Highway Patrol Death and Dismemberment films from the 1960's driver's ed classes established a safety baseline.

I incorporated the belt up procedure as routine mostly from the perspective that one's carcass must be firmly planted in order to effectively control the vehicle. Yup, I think it was more a matter of control versus doubting my immortality due to my youthful arrogance or exuberance.

When the Walkin' Boss and I had chilluns, the SOP became everyone must be buckled up before the vehicle will move <Insert Victor Borge approved phonetic punctuation here>. Though we never mandated nerf helmets.

Posted by: bthun at April 18, 2012 04:14 PM

I've always thought it was funny that no one required seat belts, let alone helmets, on kids in schoolbuses. People who would freak out at the idea that Junior might ride around the block bareheaded don't seem at all concerned about news stories featuring children badly injured in what look like fairly minor bus wrecks. For that matter, it's bizarre that airlines are such nazis about seatbelts but bus companies are not -- as if the seatbelt were often likely to do you much good in an aircraft.

Posted by: Texan99 at April 18, 2012 10:05 PM

I can remember laying in the back window(!) of the Caddy watching the stars go by, and, although there weren't any seat belts, I did have a pair of *air* bags shaped exactly like older brothers in the seat right in front of me had my Pop had the need to slam on the brakes.

Posted by: DL Sly at April 19, 2012 06:53 AM

I remember lying the back part of our station wagon with the family dog and the cat.

My parents were sticklers for seat belts, but on long trips up to our cabin in NH, they would often let us get in the back with the dog.

45 years ago and I haven't missed putting my seat belts on once.

Nothing like experience, is there? We were in a wreck on 270 in 1981. I dove down into the foot well and came out without a scratch but my husband's head made a very impressive bump in the windshield. We were very lucky.

Posted by: Cass at April 19, 2012 06:58 AM

"Posted by: Texan99 at April 18, 2012 10:05 PM"
Well, I've long questioned the no belts on school buses exception to the Nanny State's mandatory safety measures.

On the other hand, [Generalization Alert] it seems to me that the bus drivers and/or schools have a great deal of difficulty in maintaining good order on the bus. I can't imaging them being able to enforce wearing the belts on the little urchins anywho.

Posted by: bthun at April 20, 2012 12:25 PM

"For that matter, it's bizarre that airlines are such nazis about seatbelts but bus companies are not -- as if the seatbelt were often likely to do you much good in an aircraft."

You'd think that, but the simple fact is, most accidents/incidents involving airplanes are actually survivable (see links below). And in some of those, it was NOT wearing a seat belt that caused the only fatalities.

The links go on.

Posted by: MikeD at April 20, 2012 03:43 PM

Heck of a time to proofread my prior comment, but...

In said comment I would like to substitute imagine where appropriate.

Posted by: bthun at April 21, 2012 11:52 AM

OMGaia. Spare me from such idiocy. How is papa going to react when baby breaks up with his first girlfriend?

What a moron.

Posted by: Carolyn at April 21, 2012 03:18 PM

I watched it again. The kid fell on cue the second daddy gave his warning 'Uh oh, uh oh'. He has conditioned the kid to fail. Then, the baby picked up a nasty shoe. Whyinthehelk was the nasty shoe in the cranky clean house in the first place?

Why did these people propogate?

Posted by: Carolyn at April 21, 2012 03:23 PM

"Why did these people propogate?"

*waves hand above head wildly*
Ooo Ooo
I know!
It's Bush's fault!
No.....it's those eebil, bitter-clingers what cling to their bang sticks and Bibles taking away the government provided contraceptives that are so vital to our basic health care.
Yeah...yeah yeah yeah.....that's the ticket!

Posted by: The Wizzerd of Izz at April 22, 2012 10:36 AM

This is child abuse because the helmet is not being used as an extra way to avoid injury. Instead, the child is being allowed to do things it should not be doing (standing without support) becuase, "it's ok, there is a helmet."

Using the helmet as an additional precaution on an especially "busy" child is one thing. Not providing appropriate supervision is not ok, regardless.

Posted by: Robin at February 22, 2013 12:49 AM