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May 11, 2012

The Perfect Man List (UK Version)

I was looking for something deeply unserious, suitable for a Friday afternoon and the Daily Mail did not disappoint. For your consideration: a list of 30 qualities possessed by the ideal man:

Most women would agree that there’s no such thing as the perfect man, and that true love is all about chemistry and the art of compromise. But there are some things nearly all of us desire in a man — that’s if a survey of 2,000 British women is to be believed. So what actually constitutes Mr Perfect?

According to the research by clothing store Austin Reed, there are 30 boxes a man must tick to be a modern-day Prince Charming. The 2,000 women questioned agreed Mr Right eats meat, drives an Audi and earns around £48,000 a year. He’s also 6ft tall, has short, dark hair, brown eyes and stylish dress sense. He is clean-shaven and has a smooth, hair-free chest.
Mr Perfect also has a deeply sensitive side — he rings his mother regularly, tells you he loves you only when he means it, and will admit it when he eyes up other women.

Are there actually women out there who think this way? Below the fold, I ticked off the items on their list that seem desireable to me and then created my own list.

What struck me most was how superficial most of the items were. Who cares how long it takes a man to get ready to go out, or what kind of car he drives, or how big his paycheck is? And while I will admit that I'm more attracted to some physical types than others, the specificity of some of these things is just nuts. And some things (requiring a smooth chest, for instance, or wanting him to confess when he checks out other women) strike me as just downright weird.

More and more these days I feel like I'm completely out of touch with the world. The fact that people in committed relationships are still attracted to other people seems so obvious to me as to not require further comment. Everything else is just good manners.

I've always thought I had pretty high standards, but my list is a *lot* shorter!

manlist.png

Posted by Cassandra at May 11, 2012 12:11 PM

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Comments

A lot of the things on the left list seem, um, just a bit shallow. Like a lot shallow. Or maybe I'm just bitter because I can no longer ride a bicycle. (Those people who say it's "just like riding a bike" and that you "never forget?" Liars, all of them. You can forget, and it's terrifying when you realize this and are already riding.)

"Loves shopping?" Seriously?

OK, I'll stop. The second list makes a whole lot more sense, and I can't help but notice includes mostly (only?) things that directly relate to the potential relationship.

Posted by: Sig at May 11, 2012 01:58 PM

"I was looking for something deeply unserious, suitable for a Friday afternoon..."

Yanno, all ya hadda do was ask.
I'm sure I coulda come up with *something* suitably inappropriate.
heh
0>;~}

Posted by: DL Sly at May 11, 2012 02:14 PM

The second list makes a whole lot more sense, and I can't help but notice includes mostly (only?) things that directly relate to the potential relationship.

Well, "likes sex", definitely but then not liking sex would be kind of a deal killer for me. I can envision a relationship without it it, but I was thinking more about my ideal here than a generic ideal.

Being intelligent, responsible, considerate, independent, disciplined, trustworthy, well read, affectionate are all things that should apply outside the relationship as well. But laughing at my jokes/being able to make me laugh or being able to surprise me strike me as more unique to the relationship.

Posted by: Cassandra at May 11, 2012 02:21 PM

Yanno, all ya hadda do was ask.
I'm sure I coulda come up with *something* suitably inappropriate.

Yes, that's what I was afraid of... :p

Posted by: Cassandra at May 11, 2012 02:21 PM

My list is even shorter than yours:

The Perfect Man:

1) Stays out of my way.
OR,
2) Good conversation over a beer.
3) Will help hide bodies as necessary.

Posted by: Grim at May 11, 2012 02:34 PM

Enjoys watching football

!? In the first place, I thought Brits were into soccer. In the second place, what kind of woman thinks her ideal man is someone who stands on the sidelines watching instead of getting involved?

Drives an Audi

!? What do British women have against British cars? Oh, wait....

Educated to degree level

What if you overshoot? Do three degrees rule the man out? Probably didn't watch much...football...during the eddicatin' process.

From the right side (was that placement a political comment, Cassandra?): Likes sex

There's a filter....

Clean-shaven

Rules me out. I've had a beard since I got out of the USAF. Wus that I am, I decline to face a razor now that I don't have to.

Well read/Can hold up his end of the conversation

Umm, two different things here. I don't know if I'm well-read or not, but I am widely read, with one room of my house given over to a library that covers all three of its walls--and is insufficient.

But being the introvert that I am, I'm not much of a talker. On the other hand, I'm not afraid of the sounds of silence, or of its information content. It's generally sufficient to me to have my lady nearby. And introvert that she is, it seems sufficient to her, as well.

Eric Hines

Posted by: E Hines at May 11, 2012 02:39 PM

Will help hide bodies as necessary.

Isn't that what good friends are for? :)

Posted by: Cassandra at May 11, 2012 02:39 PM

"Isn't that what good friends are for?"

Isn't that what good friends with pick-em-up trucks are for?

There, fify.

"Yes, that's what I was afraid of..."

Since you are still able to think clearly, I can only conclude that you aren't taking your pain meds as prescribed....maybe you should up the dosage for a while.
*snicker*
0>;~}

Posted by: DL Sly at May 11, 2012 02:48 PM

Damn my muscly blue eyes!


Posted by: spd rdr at May 11, 2012 02:52 PM

"1) Stays out of my way.
OR,
2) Good conversation over a beer.
3) Will help hide bodies as necessary."

I would agree 'ceptin a black SUV with two suited fellers in sunglass just pulled up to the doublewide and done pulled out my Judd Fer President sign. Sos I'm just gonna hunker down fer a spell.

Posted by: Larry at May 11, 2012 03:00 PM

Damn my muscly blue eyes!

Look on the bright side, mr rdr - you should be relatively safe from those 2000 British women!

/running away

Posted by: Cassandra at May 11, 2012 03:21 PM

Football would mean soccer, I suppose.

Seems a British girl might at least dream for someone with clean teeth and a tan, rather than the guy that loses out to the leading man in an old movie...

Posted by: tomg51 at May 11, 2012 03:39 PM

Cass, if I may? I suspect the intent behind the "admits when he looks at other women" is one of those things that is claimed for the logical reason that you'd want to know if your man had a wandering eye. You know, kind of like how you'd logically want to know if that skirt made your bottom look big. In practice, I'm certain it'll end in an argument. But that doesn't stop these women from thinking they'd want to know.

Posted by: MikeD at May 11, 2012 03:56 PM

Oh, and the Lovely Bride had some requirements in men that (thankfully) I met. She doesn't like blondes (at worst, I'm dark sandy if not brown with grey these days), redheaded guys are out, the guy's hair MUST be shorter than the woman's, and she refused to date guys shorter than her (and she is 5'9"). In fact (and risking some dirty comments from the Villainy) she stated that had I been a half inch shorter, she'd never have gone out with me.

Posted by: MikeD at May 11, 2012 03:59 PM

I will admit to having a soft spot in my heart for tall, dark haired guys with brown eyes. But that's not surprising since that's what my Dad looks like and I think most girls grow up idolizing their fathers. They're our model for what a good man should be. But when you look at the guys I dated, they were all over the map.

The first two guys I fell for looked nothing like my 'ideal'. Both were blondes with blue eyes and both were named Steven. Never dated another Steve, and only dated 1 more blue eyed blonde (and that didn't last long which was fine with both of us, I think).

I can't remember ever ruling anything out, but then I wasn't cruising bars looking to pick up men. Relationships usually came from getting to know someone and for me it was always the 'whole package', as opposed to any particular physical trait. But I've known people of both sexes who tended to date the same 'type'.

I suspect the intent behind the "admits when he looks at other women" is one of those things that is claimed for the logical reason that you'd want to know if your man had a wandering eye.

I'm not so worried about the eyeballs so much as the other attached parts! I can't imagine being with someone whose tongue fell out and hit the floor or who sprained his neck every time a pretty woman walked by, though. That has always been very off putting to me.

On the other hand, I still feel wonderful when every now and then I catch a man's eyes lingering for a second or two. There's something magical about that, even at my age :p

This will probably sound weird, but until I got on to the Internet and heard the way a lot of men talk about women, I never worried about whether my husband was attracted to/looked at other women. I assumed he *was* attracted to other women because that seems only natural to me, and I assumed I could trust him because he is generally a trustworthy person.

It may turn out that I've been tragically misled all these years :p

The funny thing is that it seems to me that if you get the big things right (character, etc) then the small stuff either follows naturally or isn't so important. One of the best things about dating (other than that rush you get when you fall for someone) was learning what remained important over time and what was transitory.


Posted by: Cassandra at May 11, 2012 04:29 PM

This is *deeply unserious*?
Me thinks ....
heh
0>;~}

Posted by: DL Sly at May 11, 2012 05:36 PM

".maybe you should up the dosage for a while.
*snicker*
0>;~}
"

I'll save a few beach chairs for ya'll down here on the Mexican Riviera. That is ifn I can shake these strangely stoic fellers in the Black SUV who confiscated my Judd Fer President lawn sign.

Posted by: Larry at May 11, 2012 05:42 PM

All seriousness aside...

Posted by: Larry at May 11, 2012 05:43 PM

"Love shopping"?

OK, that list just crossed into girl pron/romance novel.

Posted by: Pogue at May 11, 2012 07:04 PM

I'll admit, I make my wife laugh, not because I have a keen wit, but, as she terms it "you're goofy."

My latest foray into the funny bone zone. I was installing new moulding in the kitchen, and was applying a light bead of caulk between the flooring and the moulding. Busy, busy, busy while she's reaading the newspaper. I say to her, "do you want me to caulk the dogs?" She replies, walk them? Just let them out like always.

30 seconds pass and she asks, "what did you just say?"

"Just asked about the dogs."

"Allen, sometimes you're just not right."

Posted by: Allen at May 11, 2012 09:54 PM

The men - and women - dept store

http://www.clickhere.gr/content/jokesdtlen.asp?JOKESEN_ID=326

What man wouldn't want a woman who likes that list ;-)

Posted by: Bill Brandt at May 11, 2012 10:12 PM

...and that list made by the women sounds like something from high school - the mans seems a bit more realistic.

Posted by: Bill Brandt at May 11, 2012 10:17 PM

Sheesh I have to slow down and read everything. Cass's list is more realistic!

Posted by: Bill Brandt at May 11, 2012 10:18 PM

My latest foray into the funny bone zone. I was installing new moulding in the kitchen, and was applying a light bead of caulk between the flooring and the moulding. Busy, busy, busy while she's reaading the newspaper. I say to her, "do you want me to caulk the dogs?" She replies, walk them? Just let them out like always.

I love plays on words - they're one of my favorite forms of humor :)

Your wife is a lucky lady, Allen. All that work on your house and you can still manage to crack jokes!

Posted by: Cassandra at May 12, 2012 09:21 AM

Likes watching soaps?

Likes watching soaps?

Posted by: Texan99 at May 12, 2012 10:11 AM

Yeah, what a bizarre list! I'd pretty much go with Cassie's instead. So much of that list (even if it IS your preference) is negotiable. I didn't have a long list when I was looking for a man, but even so much of that fell by the wayside with my fiance--turns out I didn't want/need some of the things I thought I did... ;)

Posted by: FbL at May 12, 2012 11:17 AM

Oh, and it appears chest hair is seriously underrated in some quarters. ;)

Posted by: FbL at May 12, 2012 11:18 AM

I am in no position to discuss what is the ideal man, since I am not shopping for one, but I did use to drive an Audi. Now that my Audi is getting long in the tooth, my son drives it.

I am not now nor ever will be 6 ft tall, but I do have brown eyes. My hair used to be brown, but now there is the grey stuff in it. I've had a beard off and on for the last 35 years, and I've got a goatee now, just because.
I'm pretty out of shape, and my constant goal is to start excercising regularly to fix that, but I am too busy watching soap operas and shopping that I just don't have time for it.

Posted by: Don Brouhaha at May 12, 2012 03:47 PM

Likes watching soaps?

*I* don't even like watching soaps. A guy who loves soap operas might just be a deal killer for me.

I'm pretty out of shape, and my constant goal is to start excercising regularly to fix that, but I am too busy watching soap operas and shopping that I just don't have time for it.

Don, face it - you are a total chick magnet :)

Posted by: Cassandra at May 12, 2012 08:08 PM

...so much of that fell by the wayside with my fiance

FIANCE!!!! Congratulations, Fbl!

Posted by: Cassandra at May 12, 2012 08:09 PM

To him, rather! The good fortune is all on his side.

Posted by: Grim at May 12, 2012 09:19 PM

List on the left is quite shallow, heck its very superficial! I like Cass's list much much better. But then again, the man who put the engagement ring on my finger a few months ago is much like the list Cass put out. And he also knows how to drywall, change out light fixtures, paint, build (later this summer and fall) a patio, fish, hunt, talk me out of my tree when I'm either pissed off at someone or stressing about something, makes me laugh . . .he is my partner and so much more.

I think the list on the left was crafted with those soap opera characters in mind.

Speaking of engagements . . . Congrats to Fbl!! ;-)

Posted by: Nina at May 13, 2012 03:58 PM

I'm closer to being on Cass's short list than on the long one, I think; in any case, I met (and still meet) Spice's list, which is much more important to me.

I've already congratulated FbL and her still nameless and handle-less fiance over at The Lexicans (it was a rather quiet and sneaky announcement deep in a comment thread), but I'm happy and proud to do so again! She's probably concealing him so that we don't all jump on him at once.

Posted by: htom at May 13, 2012 04:18 PM

It wasn't sneaky, htom. It was out in plain sight: thelexicans.wordpress.com/2012/04/25/because-ive-been-told-to-post-this-here ;)

Congratulations right back atcha, Nina. Your guy sounds a lot like mine. :)

Thank you Grim, though you really ARE too kind. He's an amazing man, and we both feel we got the best end of the deal.

Sorry Cassandra, didn't mean to drop it on your head like that. I forgot you aren't on FB.

Posted by: FbL at May 13, 2012 09:25 PM

Conga rats from me as well FbL! Hopefully he's worthy (and it sounds like you think he is).

I'm not so worried about the eyeballs so much as the other attached parts! I can't imagine being with someone whose tongue fell out and hit the floor or who sprained his neck every time a pretty woman walked by, though. That has always been very off putting to me.

Perhaps "wandering eye" was poorly chosen. I meant in the literal sense of, he's checking out another woman. Not that he's chasing her and attempting to have an affair, or that he's being a cad and drooling or anything. Just window shopping perhaps?

Anyway, it's the old loaded question "do you think she's pretty?" I realize that some folks may think that an innocent question, but it never ends well. The only answer I've found that can escape immediate danger is "Who?" Now, if the lady points out the target, your safest bet is a non-committal, "I guess... I hadn't noticed her." Otherwise, you should shout "OMG! Look at that!" Point in a completely different direction, and sprint for your life.

Posted by: MikeD at May 14, 2012 10:55 AM

Sorry Cassandra, didn't mean to drop it on your head like that. I forgot you aren't on FB.

No worries - I wasn't upset!

Posted by: Cassandra at May 14, 2012 11:09 AM

... it's the old loaded question "do you think she's pretty?" I realize that some folks may think that an innocent question, but it never ends well. The only answer I've found that can escape immediate danger is "Who?" Now, if the lady points out the target, your safest bet is a non-committal, "I guess... I hadn't noticed her." Otherwise, you should shout "OMG! Look at that!" Point in a completely different direction, and sprint for your life.

The whole "window shopping" thing confuses me.

It's not that I never notice (or am never attracted to) other men - that happens all the time. It's just that I see no point in continually thinking about all the things you can't have in life, and until I started spending time online I literally had no idea men dwelled on it to the degree that they do. It's a bit disconcerting.

If I'm on a diet, it's because I have decided I want to be thin. It doesn't make sense to look at photos of chocolate cakes and brownies and ice cream and all the things that will make it harder to keep my resolution or make me feel hungry even though I've had plenty to eat.

If my husband is gone, I try not to spend a lot of time thinking about having sex or fantasizing about what other men would be like in bed. That strikes me as a great way to end up feeling cheated (or resentful and angry).

That's always been one of my beefs with the whole in-your-face beefcake/cheesecake thing on blogs: if I'm at work, I really don't want to think about sex. For Pete's sake - put it below the fold where those who like that sort of thing can click and people like me don't have our eyeballs raped.

More proof that men and women really are different, as if it was needed :p

Posted by: Cassandra at May 14, 2012 11:27 AM

Her: You're looking at her!


Me: Of course. Every guy in the room is looking. :beat: Every gal is looking, too, including you.


Her: You're married to me! :pout:


Me: Yes, and I love that we are, and I love you.


Her: Then why do you look?


Me: I'm married, not dead.


Her: Men.


Me: Maybe it's my Inner Jarhead.


Her: No, I think it's a different part of you. :laughing: Put your blood back in your big brain before you start drooling.

Posted by: htom at May 14, 2012 01:00 PM

It shouldn't matter where you get your *appetite* as long as you go home to eat.
0>;~}

Posted by: DL Sly at May 14, 2012 01:22 PM

It's not that I never notice (or am never attracted to) other men - that happens all the time. It's just that I see no point in continually thinking about all the things you can't have in life, and until I started spending time online I literally had no idea men dwelled on it to the degree that they do. It's a bit disconcerting.

Maybe I don't understand, but I'd not say I "continually think about all the things I can't in life". I mean, yeah, I think Christina Hendricks is gorgeous, but do I pine for her? Or daydream about running through fields (or less PG things) with her? No. That'd be silly. Do I look as an attractive woman walks by, or admire a well turned ankle? Well, yeah... I don't know how to shut off that part of the brain that target locks on stuff like that. But I'm not exactly a slave to my desires either. No drooling or slack jaw for this fella.

But nor do I think I'm some stoic paragon of virtue. So I'm trying to figure out what specifically you have in mind when you talk about all the "dwelling" you're seeing.

Posted by: MikeD at May 14, 2012 01:33 PM

Mike,
Far be it for me to answer for Cass, but I don't think it's a stretch to say that the guys around here are a classier sort than is the norm for the internet.

Posted by: Yu-Ain Gonnano at May 14, 2012 03:15 PM

I don't think it's a stretch to say that the guys around here are a classier sort than is the norm for the internet.

Thank you, Yu-Ain :) I was trying to think of a diplomatic way to say that.

It shouldn't matter where you get your *appetite* as long as you go home to eat.

It probably doesn't matter to this guy!

But I'm thinking that most men, if their wives called out someone else's name in bed, would not shrug their shoulders and say, "Well at least she came home to eat...." :p

Posted by: Cassandra at May 14, 2012 05:04 PM

Ummm.....ohhhhkaayyyyy.
Not sure where that came from. That wasn't even remotely what I meant.

Posted by: DL Sly at May 14, 2012 05:51 PM

Well, I didn't assume that I knew what you meant.

I've heard the saying many times but it has always seemed ambiguous to me. A fairly innocuous interpretation would be, "Being attracted to other people doesn't make you a bad person so long as you end up going home and focusing that attention on your partner." And I agree with that - that's something we can't help because we're human.

A less innocent one would be, "Pretty much anything that turns you on (short of actually cheating) is OK, so long as you go home and act out those feelings with your partner". I don't agree with this, because I have seen (and can think of) many things that some people - usually the one with the appetites - think are no big deal and others find incredibly hurtful. Feelings aren't always rational, and I've known just as many men who get jealous or feel threatened as women.

To the extent that I assumed anything, I assumed you meant something closer to the first interpretation.

My point was that there's really no general rule that applies to everyone. This seems like something two people probably need to work out for themselves, as I suspect that some things may matter very much to a person (even if the other always comes home), and those things probably vary from person to person and relationship to relationship.

The example was meant to illustrate that. Most people intuitively understand that at times their partner will fantasize about someone else. But most people (the weird gentleman at the link notwithstanding) don't really want to know about that because it would bother them for reasons that probably aren't terribly rational, but are nonetheless quite valid and real.

Does that help?


Posted by: Cassandra at May 14, 2012 06:33 PM

THe left list is a metro-sexual or a character from the Twilight/Teen-Horror-Romance genre. THink Angel from the BtVS show.

Like Fuzzy said/experienced: Most of any list you write gets tossed when real life and real people hit. Love really doesn't survive a rubric, or more likely a rubric doesn't survive real love.
--
And, really, you need all need a *truck* to dispose of dead bodies? Seriously? YOu all fail HS chemistry. Slackers.

Posted by: ry at May 14, 2012 08:32 PM

Angel in BtVS? Did you mean Xander? :Thinks: No. Maybe The Trio (Warren, Jonathan, and Andrew)?

Posted by: htom at May 15, 2012 12:30 AM

I'm six feet tall, drink beer when I'm not living in the shadow of General Order Number 1, eat meat, college edjumacated, and have a driver's license -- whenever I've been in Britain (Heathrow *and* Gatwick), the females didn't even favor me with withering glances.

My idea of the Perfect Woman: Doesn't make lists.

Posted by: BillT at May 15, 2012 05:35 AM

I dunno Bill... I find it very useful when the Missus gives me a list when I head to the store. That way I don't forget to get anything.

Posted by: MikeD at May 15, 2012 10:59 AM

I've never been to England.
But I hear it's nice.
Ladies there make detailed lists
With which men to entice

They want them to be muscly
And have a jones for soaps
Call their Mum most every day
And laugh at all their jokes

An Audi takes him off to work
To make his million pounds
His chest so smooth, his jeans so tight
His tenderness abounds

All in all the ideal man
Perfect in every way
Just one thing the list left out
Their perfect man is gay.


Posted by: spd rdr at May 15, 2012 12:11 PM

*stands and cheers Ry's poem*

You know, I looking at that list again, I think it has a lot to do with this idea that our partners are supposed to be our EVERYTHING. No one person is our everything. I think for most of us, or SO would be the person we'd pick if we had to narrow our lives down to a single person. But the idea that the one person can meet all our physical, emotional and intellectual needs is a pretty heavy burden.

Maybe finding an SO is finding someone who hits all the "must haves" in those categories...? I just know that the biggest fear about marriage that I've found so far in myself is that I might start expecting too much of my husband-to-be--that I might narrow my world down to him and then expect the unreasonable from him.

That list is just not only nutty, but deliusional.

Posted by: FbL at May 15, 2012 12:55 PM

spd, that was inspired :)

Seriously, the guys in that article were kind of weird. I'm ashamed to say that my first thought when skimming their bios was that they didn't seem real (or very attractive).

Posted by: Cassandra at May 15, 2012 12:58 PM

Good helk. They really didn't give their list a lot of thought, did they? Most of it is superficial. I fear for the Empire if that is what those women want.

I am madly in love with Inspector Barnaby (John Nettles).

Posted by: Carolyn at May 18, 2012 02:56 PM

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