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June 14, 2012

Sacre Bleu!!!

Will you Patriarchal Hegemonists never tire of oppresssing Womynkynd?

Spanx is a line of undergarments that offers solutions for women of all sizes and shapes. You can target bulging stomachs, jiggling upper arms, aging breasts and any other body part that may need some enhancement. No longer an item of fantasy play or a secret amongst plus-sized women, Spanx products have become prized accessories flaunted by the Kardashians, Oprah and suburban moms.

Spanx's selling point is that it helps smart, successful women of all ages to build their confidence by, well, looking good. But playing with fire might be a more adequate metaphor when we consider that less than half a century ago, women denounced Spanx-like garments as symbols of oppressive beauty standards.

When women got rid of girdles and garter belts en masse in the 1960s, they didn't only reject restricting undergarments. (And restrict they did; it's hard to ride a bike, perform surgery or even breathe, as Adele learned, when your midsection is squeezed tight).

They also rejected a society in which women were underemployed, underpaid and underappreciated. Throwing away girdles and curlers seemed like the dawn of a new era. Women got jobs, demanded equal pay and learned to be as tough as their male peers.

Why were we not informed that the secret to ridding the multiverse of thousand-year-old oppressive gender stereotypes was as simple as peeling off a few layers of uncomfortable U-trau? We'd have gotten nekkid ages ago!

Clearly this is just another example of pushy, domineering men exerting their irresistable mind control rays on their fully equal and independent lesser halves. How *do* y'all get us to co-sign your nefarious schemes for disempowering and discouraging us from competing in a man's world:

Fifty years later, the girdle-like Spanx is back thanks to Sara Blakely, a brilliant woman who built a multimillion empire. Blakely used $5,000 to start a brand that defines its category, shapewear. She owns 100% of a company that turns a handsome profit. She is the youngest female self-made billionaire in the world. She would be a darling of the women's movement if her innovation wasn't antithetical to everything else it stood for.

Will the fairer sex never escape outdated gender stereotypes?

... as we regretfully rubbed the last vestiges of Tuscan sun from our toes, we ruefully reflected that the Patriarchy had us coming and going. Even getting dressed in the morning was rife with sexual traps. Should we succumb to men's inner fantasies and dress like Marilyn Monroe? Or toe the corporate line and end up looking like Helen Thomas? It was all so unfair - no matter what we did, we ran the risk of unwittingly doing what THEY wanted while MEN had the glorious freedom to run about all day in silk cravats and pinstripe suits! They didn't have a care in the world!

Why were women always the victims?


Posted by Cassandra at June 14, 2012 07:06 AM

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Thanks for putting the vision of a spanx-clad Helen Thomas in my head. I owe you one, sister. And, by God, I shall repay you.

Posted by: spd rdr at June 14, 2012 10:29 AM

spd darlin', shirley by now you realize that there is nothing the Blog Princess won't do for her friends...

...up to and including helping them cultivate a richly detailed inner fantasy life.

Don't thank me. I know just how you feel :p

/running like helk

Posted by: Helen "Don't Hate Me 'Cause I'm Beoootiful" Thomas at June 14, 2012 10:54 AM

...build their confidence by, well, looking good.

Apparently I'm a traitor to my gender. That just strikes me as unattractively puny ego.

We'd have gotten nekkid ages ago!

Not necessary in every instance, Ma'am.

...MEN had the glorious freedom to run about all day in silk cravats and pinstripe suits!

Misplaced envy, Ma'am. I wore my dress blues--that's with a tie--about twice in my 14 years in the USAF. And no suits at all since.

Besides, cravats aren't what silk is for....

Eric Hines

Posted by: E Hines at June 14, 2012 12:36 PM

Well, once again you're at it with the man-hating femi-nazi... izing. When will you rabid feminists learn that... wait... what did she say?


Posted by: Mike(Rosanne Rosannadanna)D at June 14, 2012 01:10 PM

You gotta free your mind instead.

Posted by: Texan99 at June 15, 2012 11:01 AM