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November 28, 2012

Fredneck, Maryland...

...it is a classy place, populated by enterprising souls:

There are dumb ideas, and there are really dumb ideas.

As Superstorm Sandy hit our region last month, Marvin Lee Kingsbury and Charles Kent Bowers hatched a really dumb idea.

The really dumb idea was this: Let’s make whiskey sours, and let’s get a raft, and let’s float five miles down the Monocacy River — the raging Monocacy River — so we can go shopping at Wal-Mart.

Bowers said they intended to drink the whiskey sours “like the victory cigar” when they reached their destination at Walmart. He said there were more turns and curves in the current than expected. Additionally, Bowers said he had not changed his view about the trip and would do it again.

“Absolutely, better boat next time,” Bowers said.

Better boat because on their first shot they used a rubber raft “rigged with a piece of plywood in the bottom and swim noodles for stability,”

And don't try to pretend you have not attempted similar feats yourownselves, knuckledraggers.

Admit it, peoples. You are jealous.

Posted by Cassandra at November 28, 2012 05:20 PM

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Reminds me of a tale I read of an incident during our Revolutionary War. Probably apocalyptic, nor can I find the link to the story, anyway.

It seems that a fighting ship of our colonial navy had expended its ordnance in the course of its mission, but instead of returning to a friendly port for refitting and rearming, this happy crew developed a new mission. Whereupon, they sailed for Great Britain, sailed up the Thames to a brewery of which certain members of the crew were aware, raided said brewery--successfully--made good their escape, and only then sailed for a friendly port for rearming and refitting--with a rich hold of fine English whiskey.

Eric Hines

Posted by: E Hines at November 28, 2012 06:17 PM

And don't try to pretend you have not attempted similar feats yourownselves, knuckledraggers.

I assure you I have never attempted to mix perfectly good whisky.

Posted by: Grim at November 28, 2012 07:27 PM

Men, boats, and alcoholic beverages: a dangerous mix :p

Posted by: Cassandra at November 29, 2012 07:29 AM

Sorry, Dear Hostess (though you're no Twinkie)... my survival instincts are too strong to attempt a "Hey Bubba, watch THIS" moment.

Posted by: MikeD at November 29, 2012 08:34 AM

I assure you I have never attempted to mix perfectly good whisky.

Unless it's with mint, a little sugar, and a splash of club soda.

Posted by: Yu-Ain Gonnano at November 29, 2012 09:05 AM

Well, maybe I'm too cautious, but no one has ever had to rescue me.

Posted by: Texan99 at November 29, 2012 01:06 PM

My favorite part was how they weren't afraid of drowning or the city pressing charges against them, but the one guy was afraid to face his wife:

... were hints of fear — but not from the water. The paper quotes the incident report saying: “(Kingsbury) advised that his wife would be furious with him.”

I'm thinking he'll be sleeping on the sofa for the next 100 years.

Posted by: Cass at November 29, 2012 03:29 PM

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