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April 25, 2013

The Dove "Real Beauty" Sketches for Men

Posted by Cassandra at April 25, 2013 08:43 AM

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Posted by: LOL Mushroom Clouds at April 25, 2013 12:44 PM

You had me at "feral nostrils".

Posted by: DL Sly at April 25, 2013 12:52 PM

And this post absolutely requires background music.

Posted by: DL Sly at April 25, 2013 12:54 PM

I laughed myself silly at the part at the end where the guys are talking about each other :p

Posted by: Cass at April 25, 2013 02:54 PM

I thought we were going to see some fisticuffs, but attacking the artist's skill rang true, too.

Police artists are amazing. I can barely make a portrait using a live model. There's no way I could make a recognizable portrait from a verbal description. It's hard to imagine anyone else could, either, from my own description of someone I'd just seen once, but apparently they often can.

There was a great scene in "Body Heat" in which William Hurt's policeman buddy relates the description of Hurt they got from a 10-year-old girl who surprised him in corpus delicti with Kathleen Turner. NSFW, so I won't quote it here.

Posted by: Texan99 at April 26, 2013 10:12 AM

A word to the Guys:

Guys,that Dove commercial (the real one, not the parody) seems to reinforce the widely-held notion that women suffer from low self-esteem. I know, it seems kind of dopey when you consider how much we really LIKE women... which SCIENCE tells us is A WHOLE LOT But, apparently, SCIENCE also says that no matter how much guys like them, girls still suffer low esteem. This makes me sad. So from now on I'm just going to try and help women improve their self-esteem by avoiding SCIENCE altogether.
In any event, I got to wondering whether we guys have similar issues with "low self-esteem" that SCIENCE just hasn't had time yet to publish someplace that we'd read about it. (Sports Illustrated?) I mean, we're all familiar with our own tendency to engage in dangerous and self-destructive behavior for little or no rational purpose (See, e.g., Evel Knievel, Anthony Wiener, Tiger Woods, that guy from South Carolina who used to be governor, this guy ),but that doesn't represent "low self-esteem." Exactly the opposite: Guys think very highly of themselves. We have trouble with low self-control. That, and sometimes making the right connections. "I can catch a cannonball with my stomach (or some other such guy thing, like win a race, jump off of a roof, or ride an angry mechanical bull while simultaneously downing shots of tequila laced with habenero pepper sauce)." "Therefore," we think, "I can probably cheat on my wife and get away with that, too!"
That's about when our self-esteem just gives up, cracks opens a beer, and waits for the paramedics to arrive.
So, anyway, back to whereever I was, I googled "Do guys have problems with low self-esteem?" And, honest to God, this is what came back:

Girls, Do you dislike guys with a low self-esteem?
Unfortunately, I have a low self-esteem and no confidence.
Although I am a really nice guy to hang around with.
But when it comes to viewing myself in terms of looks and relationships... I just can't do it.
Any quick advice to high self-esteem?
And please, no thrashing!

Twelve women replied. Twelve.
All of them offering earnest and reassuring advice to improve self-esteem like standing up, going to the gym, and putting gel in your hair.
Not one of them thought it was a joke.
I thought it was a great joke.
My self-esteem thought it was a cruel joke.
My self-control fell out of its chair laughing and needed 8 stitches.
And now my self-esteem is crying and my self-control is apologizing, but I think that this may require jewelry to fully resolve.

So, Guys, we have to do a better job of... something... It's not necessarily our fault that the women we like so much have low self-esteem, SCIENCE is to blame, a lot. But we should stop doing whatever it is that we're doing when it IS our fault, and do something else instead.
I hear hair gel works well.

Have a good weekend.

Posted by: spd rdr at April 26, 2013 07:52 PM

OK, wise guy :) When I got done laughing at your comment, it made me think (what can I say? I'm a woman - that's what we do).

I don't honestly think most women really have low self esteem. I have always thought that most women are actually better judges of their own attractiveness and abilities than most men are. There are tons of studies out there on this - ones that have men and women rate their own attractiveness and then compare their ratings against other people's ratings of them (women pretty much nail it, guys think they're much better looking than other women or men think they are).

The same is true of school - boys think they're better at most things, even when they're actually not. The exception seems to be English (which is kind of funny when you think about it, given that most of the world's famous/great authors are men).

But it turns out that being able to accurately assess your own ability isn't always a plus. It *can* be, when it keeps you from betting the farm on your ability to do something you truly suck at. But it can also hold you back - keep you from taking risks.

Having really high self esteem (whether or not it's merited) is a characteristic I noticed very early on in military commanders. I also noticed that quite a few of these guys didn't have the sense God gave a grapefruit. Some of them literally sowed chaos everywhere they went, leaving others to fix all the problems that arose from their myopic 5 minute planning horizon. Still, people have a lot in common with sheep. It's surprising how many will follow anyone who seems sure of himself.

That's a trait I tried to teach my sons - not to BE the guy who never questions himself, but once they'd made an important decision, to prosecute it with confidence. I think men are taught to make the most of the edge that testosterone gives them. You guys are taught that it's shameful or unmanly ("womanly", in fact!) to hesitate, to express fear or self doubt, to show weakness or emotion. Sometimes, sadly, to show kindness to weaker boys. When I was growing up, adult men were often pretty brutal to boys who did any of these things. They would literally shame boys into what they called 'acting like a man'.

Except that's not at all how I think real men should act. I don't expect a man to emote all over the place (and I admire them for not doing so). But anyone who never questions him- or herself is a fool.

Overconfidence and stoicism useful in certain contexts and absolutely destructive in others (marriage, for instance, where it's hard to imagine a worse relationship tactic than never showing emotion, or never admitting you're wrong. Or that you need your wife as much as she needs you - perhaps just in different ways).

I think women are trained to be nurturing, but we also grow up with almost obsessive attention being paid to our appearance. We literally get more attention for being pretty than for being good people. In a way, this is for our protection (just as training boys to be tough is sometimes for their protection). Let's face it - being pretty is the shortest route to man's heart. Too many men never learn to look beneath a woman's appearance. If she's pretty on the outside, she must be pretty on the inside. And too many woman learn to use their looks to get ahead or get what they want, which is (I think) very destructive. The instinct to charm and please is programmed into little girls, just as aggression/audacity are programmed into little boys, and society reinforces both.

One of the reasons I get so frustrated with the constant feminism-bashing on the right is that, while I absolutely agree that radical feminism jumped the shark long ago, I broadly approve of trusting men and women to find their own way in life. The problem is that freedom must be coupled with self control, and we seem to want freedom without responsibility or self restraint.

I think today's fathers are more involved in their kids' lives, and that's a great good. I think today's men are mostly better husbands. And I guess I have always believed that the real purpose of marriage was to moderate the nature of both men and women - to round us out; make us more complete. Perhaps to show us another way of looking at life, and each other?

There is something magical that happens to man's heart when he has children. It doesn't weaken him - it makes him wiser and stronger and more compassionate. And fiercely protective in the best way. And given our long lifespans these days, a social scheme that makes women utterly dependent on men makes very little sense. Less than half our lives is spent raising children, and men usually die before their wives.

Anyway, spd, this is my longwinded way of saying thanks for making me laugh, and for making me think. Sometimes I confuse the ugliness of the Internet for real life and I don't ever want to go online again.

And sometimes, there are moments like this when I am reminded how lucky I am to have the chance to read the things you guys have to say and - in true, womanly fashion, think, "I'm not worthy" :p

/running away

Posted by: Cass at April 27, 2013 08:54 AM

Ummm....my friend, I don't think you were supposed to *think* after spd's comment just laugh, pull out your yardstick and commence *whap whap whap*ing.
Methinks the long work hours are getting too *long*....

Posted by: DL Sly at April 28, 2013 01:02 PM


Shh. She's rolling.

Posted by: Grim at April 28, 2013 05:29 PM

You are sooo in trouble when she finally wakes up.
I'm glad I live farther away than you....but God love a man that'll poke that hornet's nest!

Posted by: DL Sly at April 29, 2013 01:11 AM

More and more, I find that I fear nothing but the righteous judgment of God. Against which I have no defense; but there our lady Cassandra will speak for, and not against me, toward which I have faith.

Posted by: Grim at April 29, 2013 01:39 AM

Ummm....my friend, I don't think you were supposed to *think* after spd's comment just laugh, pull out your yardstick and commence *whap whap whap*ing.

You have a point, but then I acknowledged that up front.

On the otter heiny, making spd's head explode by taking him seriously when he's being funny is one of the more enjoyable pastimes in an otherwise boring life :p

Oh, and Grim? WHAP WHAP WHAP!!! :)

Posted by: Cass at April 29, 2013 06:23 AM