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May 03, 2013

Portion Control

Via DL Sly, this made the Editorial Staff's day:

New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg was denied a second slice of pizza today at an Italian eatery in Brooklyn.

...Mayor Bloomberg, not accustomed to being challenged, assumed that the owner was joking.

"OK, that's funny," he remarked, "because of the soda thing ... No come on. I'm not kidding. I haven't eaten all morning, just send over another pepperoni."

"I'm sorry sir. We're serious," Benito insisted. "We've decided that eating more than one piece isn't healthy for you, and so we're forbidding you from doing it."

"Look jackass," Bloomberg retorted, his anger boiling, "I f***ing skipped breakfast this morning just so I could eat four slices of your pizza. Don't be a schmuck, just get back to the kitchen and bring out some f***ing pizza, okay."

"I'm sorry sir, there's nothing I can do," the owner repeated. "Maybe you could go to several restaurants and get one slice at each. At least that way you're walking. You know, burning calories."

When it comes to rules, everyone likes to think they're exceptional. The least they could have done was offer him a healthy alternative. Perhaps some baked kale chips?

We hear if you freeze it beforehand, the bitter taste diminishes considerably.

Posted by Cassandra at May 3, 2013 07:49 AM

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Comments

Viva la rivoluzione! Ribellione! Ribellione! Ribellione!


Posted by: Pietro 'Leave the gun – take the Cannoli' Clemenza at May 3, 2013 09:20 AM

We hear if you freeze it beforehand, the bitter taste diminishes considerably.

I have it from reliable sources that revenge is a dish best served cold.

Posted by: Yu-Ain Gonnano at May 3, 2013 09:43 AM

Unfortunately, the source is a satire newsite like the Onion.

Funny as Helk, though.

Posted by: Yu-Ain Gonnano at May 3, 2013 09:50 AM

Unfortunately, the source is a satire newsite like the Onion.

Durnitall! And I was totally ready to believe it, too!

/headed off to whack Sly with the ruler :)

Posted by: Is that a hook in your mouth...??? at May 3, 2013 10:11 AM

Yes. Yes it was.

Posted by: Yu-Ain Gonnano at May 3, 2013 10:19 AM

*Looks down from the tall, tall heights that are the Rocky Mountains*

Nah, she'll never get that trivet up here.
Interesting, though, since I got to that story through another, rather reputable, site.
Dammital!
0>;~}

Posted by: DL Sly at May 3, 2013 10:50 AM

You may portray yourself as villianous, but you dig up some *very* funny stuff.
Hope medical issues resolve quickly and favorably.

Best Regards,

Posted by: CAPT Mike at May 4, 2013 06:54 PM