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July 31, 2013

Coffee Snorters: Tip of the Day Edition

"Don't get your penis stuck in a toaster":

It sounds barmy doesn't it, the London Fire Brigade telling people about men putting their genitals where they shouldn't? But the fact of the matter is people put body parts in strange places all the time, get stuck, and then call us out to release them. We're not just talking one or two; our crews have been called out to over 1,300 "unusual" incidents since 2010 – that's more than one a day.

Granted, they're not all penis-related, but some are very silly: people with loo seats on their heads, a man with his arm trapped in a portable toilet, adults stuck in children's toys, someone with a test tube on his finger. And a lot of handcuffs. More than 25 people call us out every year to release them from these. I don't know whether it's the Fifty Shades effect or not, but I can tell you this, most are Fifty Shades of Red by the time we turn up in a big, red fire engine with our equipment to cut them out.

We launched our campaign, #FiftyShadesofRed, in a bid to highlight some of the less conventional incidents we've attended over the past few years. We tweeted about the incidents from our account, @LondonFire, which certainly raised a few eyebrows, not least among some of my international firefighting colleagues who were surprised to see us putting it all out there, so to speak. This included nine instances of men with rings stuck in awkward places; nine people with their hands stuck in blenders and shredders; numerous people with their hands stuck in letterboxes; a child with a tambourine on its head … the list goes on. We've even been called out to rescue a man whose penis was stuck in a toaster. The mind boggles but the message is serious: use some common sense and remember we're an emergency service and should be treated as such.

And suddenly, Anthony Weiner looks relatively sane.

Posted by Cassandra at July 31, 2013 06:31 AM

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This is why I don't wear rings. I can easily imagine having to call the fire department because my ring had gotten my hand stuck inside an 800-pound motorcycle.

Posted by: Grim at July 31, 2013 08:26 AM

The toaster and the twit are obviously Viagra stoners.

Posted by: George Pal at July 31, 2013 09:01 AM

This suggests interesting new graphics for those people who put the little cartoons on power tools, with stylized "Oh, no, Mr. Bill!" figures risking cutting their arms off and so on.

Posted by: Texan99 at July 31, 2013 09:14 AM

Yanno, I have a pretty good imagination but I can't for the life of me comprehend the dead sexy allure of penis-in-toaster.

Clearly, I need to color outside the lines more :p

Posted by: Cass at July 31, 2013 09:21 AM

Fireman: "Why do you want me to cut open the toaster? It's a perfectly good toaster. It's the penis that seems to be defective."

Posted by: Yu-Ain Gonnano at July 31, 2013 11:05 AM

Or perhaps the brain?

Posted by: Cass at July 31, 2013 11:07 AM

Can't remove something that obviously isn't there.

Posted by: Yu-Ain Gonnano at July 31, 2013 11:23 AM

Oh, Dear sweet Lord please help me.

I've come to like, and more importantly, respect the host of this blog . . .
. . . please, pretty please give me the strength to not recite any of those Navy Westpac stories . . .

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