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August 26, 2013

Once More, With Feeling

For a long time, the Editorial Staff have been mystified by the pronouncements of the Obamessiah. Statements that clearly make absolutely no sense, are patently false, or are so grandiose that they make megalomaniacs sound positively modest and unassuming by comparison are somehow transmogrified by the press into Inspiring Oratory Delivered by a Brilliant Person Whose Thought Processes Are So Complex That Ordinary People Can't Follow Them.

When life confuses us, we often turn to the NFL for enlightenment. Apparently, if you speak from the heart, your words don't have to make literal sense. And if you have a Really Big Ring, that doesn't hurt, either:

“I love Ray, and I love how he always spoke from the heart, but if you listened to those speeches, a lot of them didn’t even make sense. He meant everything he was saying, but I didn’t know what he was talking about 90 percent of the time.”

Read through that. It literally makes no sense on any level. The whole thing jumps from point to point. At the beginning, he’s talking about the value of teamwork, I think. Then he discusses the coming armageddon, which segues nicely into taking advantage of life’s opportunities, followed by advice on how to legacy-build through effort. After a brief diversion into the limits of film study, he advises the players to be chameleons and then throws in a mild profanity to get their attention, before rousing them up until hysterics.

At no point does Lewis come close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. But did you hear that cheering at the end? The non sequiturs didn’t matter a bit. It was about the passion and the delivery...

If your Inbox ever begins to feel like a lonely place, we highly recommend creating a Google News Alert for "Obama + top priority". We are not quite sure how all of the 7-9 things that plop into our Inbox each day can all be top priorities, but we feel oddly comforted to know that the leader of the free world has time to weigh in (when he's not healing the planet or pondering the uncanny resemblance between imaginary offspring and a young black man from Florida) on such important topics as reducing law school from three years to two, or the stinging injustice of breed specific legislation.

We're not sure what it takes to get on the President's radar screen. Multiple race-based attacks on completely innocent white citizens by blacks spun up by needlessly inflammatory comments about the Trayvon Martin verdict? Not on the Presidential radar. Obama has more important things to think about, like declaring war on the unsurprising consequences of his own policies:

President Obama recently concluded a five-year campus speaking tour in which he explained to students how his financing programs were making college more affordable. Then on Thursday he kicked off a new campus speaking tour to tell students that college is unaffordable, and that the financing program he has championed faces increasing defaults.

"We've got a crisis in terms of college affordability and student debt," said Mr. Obama, without a trace of irony at the State University of New York at Buffalo. The same man who three years ago forced through a plan to add $1 trillion in student loans to the federal balance sheet over a decade said on Thursday, "Our economy can't afford the trillion dollars in outstanding student loan debt, much of which may not get repaid because students don't have the capacity to pay it."

Naturally, the President blamed somebody else and demanded more authority over higher education..

We are beginning to suspect that the President's top priority may be creating problems so he can turn around and claim that the problems he just finished creating now demand immediate government intervention before they kill us all. If this confuses and frightens you, don't think about it too much.

Just focus on the passion and delivery.

Posted by Cassandra at August 26, 2013 08:36 AM

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"We are beginning to suspect that the President's top priority may be creating problems so he can turn around and claim that the problems he just finished creating now demand immediate government intervention before they kill us all. If this confuses and frightens..."

Every Failure An Opportunity
Properly understood this could work wonders - the more failures the more opportunities for success. I am not the first to have sorted this out - just likely the last to buy it.

"James did not quite agree with him on this point.
"Men," said he "must, in some things, have deviated from their original innocence... To this account I might add not only bankruptcies, but the law, which seizes on the effects of bankrupts, only to cheat the creditors."

"All this was indispensably necessary," replied the one-eyed doctor [Pangloss*] "for private misfortunes are public benefits; so that the more private misfortunes there are, the greater is the general good."
(from Candide)

*Pangloss – all tongue, i.e., no action.

Posted by: George Pal at August 26, 2013 02:36 PM

I just had lunch with a friend who shared a college professor with me. My friend was telling me about the first paper he got back from this professor was marked C-, with the following note:

"Nothing in your paper resembles thought."

Posted by: Grim at August 26, 2013 03:52 PM

I really don't even know what to think at this point. The shamelessness is so unbelievable that it's just kind of stunning.

Posted by: Cass at August 26, 2013 04:58 PM

"Once More, With Feeling"

I started to post this morning that it should have read, "Once More, With More Cowbell" but had to leave for an appointment. Now that I've thought about it, I'm pretty sure it should read, "Once more with a cattle prod".
*sigh*
I grow weary of this fool and his sycophants.

Posted by: DL Sly at August 26, 2013 08:29 PM

Brilliant post Cassandra, thank you!

If you appreciate wry British humor, google 'British Performance Evaluations,' which contains *real* quotes from Fitness Reports.


Best Regards,

Posted by: CAPT Mike at August 26, 2013 08:55 PM

This administration reminds me so much of the Golgafrincham B-Ark from Hitchhiker's Guide that crashed on Earth long, long ago.

(Wikilink )

Posted by: htom at August 26, 2013 09:19 PM

Thanks - will check out the links when I get done with the monstrosity I'm trying to finish :)

I'm still working. Ugh.

Posted by: Occupy Don Brouhaha NOW!!! at August 26, 2013 10:03 PM

Don Brouhaha is gone now, replaced with an other-gendered commenter who resents your patriarchal occupy notions.

And now, for something completely different.....

Posted by: Chelsea Brouhaha at August 27, 2013 12:15 AM

The talk page discussion at Wikipedia about the Bradley/ Briana/ Chelsea Edward/ E./ Elisabeth name change (and the pronoun changes), was yesterday over a megabyte in length. If we could harness that passion into making new articles or fixing old ones ... never mind.

Posted by: htom at August 27, 2013 09:06 AM

Don Brouhaha is gone now, replaced with an other-gendered commenter who resents your patriarchal occupy notions.

Chelsea - tell me you aren't wearing spd's red fishnets!

Posted by: M'wah!!! at August 27, 2013 03:21 PM

Red is not my color. And spd rdr is much taller than I am, and so is not my size.

Posted by: Chelsea Brouhaha at August 27, 2013 08:23 PM

That was brilliant.

Posted by: SonRise at August 29, 2013 01:51 PM

Squirrel!
.

Posted by: OregonGuy at August 29, 2013 02:56 PM

Didn't spd put a run in those when he kicked the paper football into the Hooter's girl's cleavage and got a little rambunctious in his celebratory table-dance?
0>;~}

Posted by: DL Sly at August 29, 2013 04:36 PM

I thought we agreed to never speak of that again.

Posted by: Spd's fshnts at August 29, 2013 04:47 PM

Ummm, fyi, not my fault he decided that a handstand under the ceiling fan was a great impromptu move. I'm just glad the guy who got hit with the Prada stilletos was too drunk to figure out where it came from.
0>;~}

Posted by: DL Sly at August 29, 2013 05:43 PM

Didn't spd put a run in those when he kicked the paper football into the Hooter's girl's cleavage and got a little rambunctious in his celebratory table-dance?

That comment stands out in the Vast Panoply of Memorable VC Comments :p

Posted by: Occupy Don Brouhaha NOW!!! at August 29, 2013 07:27 PM

SonRise, you are too kind :) Unless, of course, you were responding to Herr Brouhaha, in which case all I have to say is, "That was brilliant"...

Posted by: Occupy Don Brouhaha NOW!!! at August 29, 2013 07:30 PM

Gee-zoo, people. Can't a guy go on vacation for a few days without causing an international sensation?

Posted by: spd rdr, tanned, rested, and sporting fishnets to die for at September 3, 2013 02:05 PM

Greetings, neighbors.

Posted by: spd rdr, tanned, rested, and sporting fishnets to die for at September 3, 2013 03:48 PM

spd rdr, tanned, rested, and sporting fishnets to die for

Don't let Don near them.

Posted by: Occupy Don Brouhaha NOW!!! at September 3, 2013 06:06 PM