« A Woman's Prerogative | Main | Heap Big Narrative Fail »

August 07, 2013

You Look.... Mahvelous! err.. Incredibly Hot err... Equi-Capable!!!

We're referring to Martian Explorer Barbie, but then you knew that didn't you? Who says a gal can't stride across the Red Pink Planet like a Colossus without forfeiting either her heroine chic waifishness or her fresh off the runway 'tude?

The "Mars Explorer Barbie" -- part of the "I Can Be" line of the dolls -- comes complete not simply with a sassy pink-and-white spacesuit, but also with a helmet (pink) and a "space pack" accessory (also pink). The doll's packaging features a glittery Martian landscape with the Curiosity rover (also pink) in the foreground and the Earth in the distance. (The Earth is one of the few items included that is not pink.)

Barbie_On_Mars.jpgMars Explorer Barbie is remarkable for several reasons. One of them is that Mars Explorer Barbie's spaceboots, which protect feet that are permanently elevated to accommodate heels, are approximately half the length of a human-ratioed boot.

.... But Mars Explorer Barbie, her packaging assures us, will persevere through whatever adversity she encounters, be it radiation poisoning or helmet-hair. Because "Explorer" is, of course, her middle name.

We can hardly wait for Special Forces Barbie. She comes fully equipped with a to die for, bedazzled pink 50 cal sniper rifle and fetchingly tailored pink-and-purple cammies pulled snug in all the right places. IFKWIMAITYD. Of course, she's neither as strong nor as fit as the average male candidate, but we're assured those old physical fitness standards (you know, the ones that weren't going to be lowered just so women could pass basic training) are - like outmoded gender stereotyping - no longer relevant:

Army Gen. Martin E. Dempsey, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, told reporters in January that if a standard keeps women out of a combat job, the military branch had better have a good argument for keeping it.

“If we do decide that a particular standard is so high that a woman couldn’t make it, the burden is now on the service to come back and explain to the secretary, ‘Why is it that high?’” Gen. Dempsey said. “Does it really have to be that high? With the direct combat exclusion provision in place, we never had to have that conversation.”

Rep. Duncan Hunter, California Republican, won passage of language in the pending defense budget bill that says any standard lowered for women also must be lowered for men. The logic behind the measure is that the military does not want less-capable men staffing combat units.

backgroundMilitaryTank.jpg


Just wait until these folks hear about the zebra striped fuschia and white howitzers. They're going to be furious.

Posted by Cassandra at August 7, 2013 07:16 AM

Trackback Pings

TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.villainouscompany.com/mt/mt-tb.cgi/4731

Comments

She comes fully equipped with a to die for, bedazzled pink 50 cal sniper rifle and fetchingly tailored pink-and-purple cammies pulled snug in all the right places.

KalashniKitty is already here!

Posted by: Yu-Ain Gonnano at August 7, 2013 09:13 AM

Looking forward to the shirtless GI Ken in camo lavender capris and matching bandoliers - with full body stubble.

Posted by: George Pal at August 7, 2013 09:32 AM

You know, that link says that Martian Explorer Barbie is "just as pink as you'd imagine," but if you follow their own link, you discover that she's substantially less pink than the 1985 Astronaut Barbie.

Special Forces Barbie will have to find a way to deal with the need to wear a yellow glow-y safety belt everywhere.

Posted by: Grim at August 7, 2013 09:50 AM

Special Forces Barbie will have to find a way to deal with the need to wear a yellow glow-y safety belt everywhere.

There's a thong for that!

Posted by: Thing...Thing a Thong... Thing it loud at August 7, 2013 10:53 AM

Looking forward to the shirtless GI Ken in camo lavender capris and matching bandoliers - with full body stubble.

Personally, we have always been a big fan of pleather a$$less chaps. Scenic, but still kind to the environment. But ixnay on the odybay tubblesay if you don't mind there, Big Guy.

Posted by: Oh no you didn't.... at August 7, 2013 10:56 AM

Actually, now that I think about it, I did once see some female soldiers wearing pink safety belts around the DFAC in Iraq. Perhaps it helps the snipers identify targets.

Posted by: Grim at August 7, 2013 12:43 PM

Posted by: Batman at August 7, 2013 12:59 PM

The "Mars Explorer Barbie" -- part of the "I Can Be" line of the dolls...
Although the mind reels at the thought of a vast, empty planet populated by nothing but pink-clad "I Can Be a Martian Explorer" Barbies, it absolutely boggles at the thought of a universe that might include even one "I Can Be Mr. Spock" Barbie.
"Live long and go shopping! *giggle*"

Posted by: spd rdr at August 7, 2013 02:04 PM

I don't get the whole pink thing.

Can you imagine if every boy's toy were colored baby blue (so we'd know it was a boy's toy?). It never really struck me until we went into a ToysSureRExpensive and noticed that entire aisles of the story are pink from end to end.

It's kind of creepy, really. I don't remember so much pinkness when I was a child.

Posted by: Oh no you *didn't*.... at August 7, 2013 03:08 PM

Actually, spd, that really should be, "Live long and prosper....so I can go shopping."
heh

"...every boy's toy were colored baby blue..."
I always thought it was a serious problem for a boy's toy to be blue. Buuut, that could just be me.....
0>;~}

Posted by: DL Sly at August 9, 2013 04:41 PM