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September 25, 2013

Coffee Snorters, Telepathy Edition

Oh, like this sort of thing doesn't happen to you all the time...

Meloney Selleneit was accused of illegally purchasing a gun for Michael Selleneit, a violent felon, and inciting him to shoot Tony Pierce twice in the back while Pierce was working in his yard.

Michael, 53, later told police Pierce, 41, had been telepathically raping his wife for years and was using crack cocaine to control her mind.

"But my next door neighbor was using crack cocaine to control my mind!" may be the best excuse ever. Except, possibly, this one. (CWCID: spd)

It's not the size of the fight in the dog, but the size of the dog in the fight. Weiner dogs: they are a valiant breed.

Keepin' it real:

During a discussion about the importance of good grammar, Jackson is asked by the writer, Stephen Rebello, about his thoughts on a “society that views graduating from college or grad school as elitist, or one in which President Obama or other highly educated Americans consciously drop gs off the ends of words to sound like Joe Average?”

“First of all, we know it ain’t because of his blackness, so I say stop trying to ‘relate,’” Jackson said. “Be f-----g presidential. Look, I grew up in a society where I could say ‘It ain’t’ or ‘What it be’ to my friends. But when I’m out presenting myself to the world as me, who graduated from college, who had family who cared about me, who has a well-read background, I f-----g conjugate.”

Keepin' it real, the sequel:

Among influential U.S. political tweeters, President Barack Obama is the undisputed king of the fake followers. A MailOnline analysis ranks his sizable Twitter following as the most deceptive total among the 21 most influential accounts run by American politicians: More than 19.5 million of his 36.9 million Twitter followers are accounts that don't correspond to real people.

The four phoniest accounts in the sample, which included Democratic and Republican Party leaders in Washington, D.C., were those belonging to President Obama, Vice President Joe Biden, first lady Michelle Obama and the White House communications shop.
Of the president's 36.9 million Twitter followers, an astonishing 53 per cent – or 19.5 million – are fake accounts

If this sort of thing keeps up, we may begin to doubt the veracity of Dreams from my Father:

Courtesy of David Maraniss’s new book, we now know that yet another key prop of Barack Obama’s identity is false: His Kenyan grandfather was not brutally tortured or even non-brutally detained by his British colonial masters. The composite gram’pa joins an ever-swelling cast of characters from Barack’s “memoir” who, to put it discreetly, differ somewhat in reality from their bit parts in the grand Obama narrative. The best friend at school portrayed in Obama’s autobiography as “a symbol of young blackness” was, in fact, half Japanese, and not a close friend. The white girlfriend he took to an off-Broadway play that prompted an angry post-show exchange about race never saw the play, dated Obama in an entirely different time zone, and had no such world-historically significant conversation with him. His Indonesian step-grandfather supposedly killed by Dutch soldiers during his people’s valiant struggle against colonialism met his actual demise when he “fell off a chair at his home while trying to hang drapes.”

These are beautiful.

Posted by Cassandra at September 25, 2013 04:19 AM

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I like the dog story.

As for the Kenyan grandfather, you know, for a long time the claim was that Barack Obama hadn't written that book at all. But with each new outright distortion and composite character, doesn't it become more and more likely that he really did?

Posted by: Grim at September 25, 2013 08:56 AM

I loved the dog story, too :)

Sausage once went after a Rottweiler he didn't like the looks of. The other dog was named "Rocky" and looked like he ate steroid pills for breakfast. For months afterwards, the family joke was that we needed to buy Sausage a hand mirror:

"This is you [tiny reflection]. This is The Other Dog [giant reflection]...."

...with each new outright distortion and composite character, doesn't it become more and more likely that he really did?

Heh :)

Posted by: Cassandra at September 25, 2013 09:16 AM

Coffee Snorter posts are great and this - one the best; an edifying tract raising awareness, loweriing expectations.

Having a brewery in my gut explains much. When they have discovered the distillery therein I will have the answer to all the 'why's that haunt me.

Posted by: George Pal at September 25, 2013 09:54 AM

Thanks for the kind words, George :)

I'll try to do them more often - I used to do them all the time, but sometimes I can't tell whether you guys like things or not.

Posted by: Cassandra at September 25, 2013 10:05 AM

In case it's not already obvious, about the least favorable response one of your posts ever generates in me is, "Hmm, that's pretty interesting." So if you award that a "1," they go all the way from there to "10" for "Oh, wow, you've got to read this" or helpless, sputtering laughter. But you haven't installed a wowsa-meter on your site, so you can't always know!

Pictures of elephants always get a 10, if you're looking to calibrate your wowsa-meter.

Posted by: Texan99 at September 25, 2013 10:29 AM

I'm still searching for the follow-up story about the "beer belly" man being arrested for moonshining. Of course, I'm also still searching to find friends like these.

Posted by: spd rdr at September 25, 2013 10:44 AM

That made my day, spd. I love men :)

Posted by: Cass at September 25, 2013 11:29 AM

Pictures of elephants always get a 10, if you're looking to calibrate your wowsa-meter.

I always knew you were a woman of extraordinary taste and refinement :p

The spouse is flying out to Tampa today (that's were he saw the Ringling Bros. elephants). As he was pulling out of the garage in the wee hours of the morning, I asked him to keep an eye peeled for pachyderms. He said, "Well, they all winter in Tampa, you know. That's where all the herds go during the cold weather."

I said something flip about him being knowledgeable in all matters elephantine, and he shoots back with, "Just stick with me, baby..." :p

Glad to know I wasn't driving you all batty (Ooh! just remembered something!) with all those elephants!

Posted by: Cass at September 25, 2013 11:33 AM

Tampa is probably a better place to winter than to summer. I always seem to end up there in June or August. :)

They do have a fun renaissance faire, though, if you like that kind of thing.

Posted by: Grim at September 25, 2013 11:40 AM

These *are* fun Cass, thank you!

Hi Grim, I'm in Oviedo, enjoying recent heavy rains . . .

Posted by: CAPT Mike at September 26, 2013 02:04 AM

I'm up in Georgia right now, close to Athens. We got a real downpour over the last day and a half, but the screen looks clear now. Upper 70s and sunny for a week, if the forecast holds.

Posted by: Grim at September 26, 2013 10:40 AM