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February 18, 2014

Coffee Snorters: Cold Hell Edition

In an article luridly titled, "Wild Winter's Looming Dangers!", the folks at NBC offer an Important Tip For Surviving All This Climate Change. Whatever you do, don't stand directly underneath those ginormous icicles hanging from your roof:

Sure, they're beautiful. But they can also be heavy projectiles.

If you're one of the millions of Americans socked in by this winter's serial snowstorms, the approach of warmer weather must be welcome. But be careful what you wish for. All of that snow and ice has to go somewhere when it melts — and that means monster icicles.

"Certainly, a business or a home with icicles forming over a walkway or an entryway, they are a hazard," said Dan Sincock, deputy fire chief of Elmira, N.Y.

While it's rare, it is possible for icicles — which can grow to 2 feet long and balloon to 30 pounds as they thaw and refreeze — to come crashing down on your head,

The Editorial Staff have taken this sage advice to heart:

"You're going to want to take a broom — maybe a roof rake — and stand away as best you can and brush across them to knock them down," Robert Ferrier, a fire lieutenant in Agawam, Mass., told NBC station WWLP of Springfield.

"We don't want you looking up," he said.

It is well known that America is an extremely dangerous place. As if all those pasty white guys running about waving handguns weren't bad enough, it seems that the United States is especially prone to "violent weather". So if you must venture outside, make sure you consult a professional journalist first to get the latest scoop on surviving the polar vortex:

And above all, guard your eyeballs. Because they could totally freeze out there.

Update: OK, we totally did not expect this:

What State Do You Actually Belong In?

You got: Louisiana

You’re the life of any party and someone who is great to have on your side. You can probably drink like 10-15 beers at once. Not even in succession, at once. You’re a creative person, and even if you get a little wild from time to time, you’re a good person to know no matter what.

You know, we say that sort of thing to ourselves every morning when we wake up and look in the bathroom mirror. We are a good person to know.

No matter what.

Today's winner in Affordable Care Act winners and losers... Medical coders:

There are different numbers for getting struck or bitten by a turkey (W61.42 or W61.43). There are codes for injuries caused by squirrels (W53.21) and getting hit by a motor vehicle while riding an animal (V80.919), spending too much time in a deep-freeze refrigerator (W93.2) and a large toe that has gone unexpectedly missing (Z89.419).

At the AAPC conference in San Francisco, the organization sold shot glasses inscribed with “F10.950” — the code for an unspecified alcohol-induced psychotic disorder. “Give ICD-10 a shot!” it says in blue script.

Hospitals and insurers have fought the new codes, calling them a massive regulatory burden that will cost them billions of dollars to implement without improving patient care. For years, their protests succeeded: The federal government has twice delayed implementing the new code set, which was initially set for 2008.

ICD-10 proponents contend that adding specificity to medical diagnoses will provide a huge boon to the country. It will be easier for public health researchers, for example, to see warning signs of a possible flu pandemic — and easier for insurers to root out fraudulent claims.

“How many times are people going to be bitten by an orca? Probably not very many,” said Lynne Thomas Gordon, chief executive of the American Health Information Management Association. “But what if you’re a researcher trying to find that? You can just press a button and find that information.”

Just think how much fun it will be when all our medical records are available online! Good luck keeping that regrettable gerbil incident dark.

Posted by Cassandra at February 18, 2014 05:33 AM

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Comments

As a means of support, I have a small orca farm off the Key West coast. I train and sell them to Sea World and to lease them to Cuban cigar smugglers to protect the rafts. I have had a few orca bites. Part of the job.

Posted by: Man Riding Unicycle Naked at February 18, 2014 11:24 AM

I have had a few orca bites. Part of the job.

Men do all the dangerous and dirty jobs. I blame the White House Council on Women and Girlz.

Posted by: Ouch... that hurts... at February 18, 2014 11:37 AM

It's always interesting to hear how the other half lives. Icicles two feet long and weighing thirty pounds ... are mostly unremarked (they are noticed) here in Minnesnowda. Those the size of a baseball bat are used by toddlers as bats or hockey sticks. Here they can reach from the roof of a two-story house to the ground.

ICD-10 ... So you want your medical records to show that you were damaged by a vibrator that didn't shut off because its timer failed after you passed out? I think "excessive stimulation" is all that's needed, but if you want the details recorded.

Posted by: htom at February 18, 2014 03:27 PM

"Those the size of a baseball bat are used by toddlers as bats or hockey sticks."

htom, I was going to comment something similar. The house across the park behind us currently has icicles that are easily 8' long on a three story house. We call them "widow makers" around here.

"You know, we say that sort of thing to ourselves every morning when we wake up and look in the bathroom mirror. We are a good person to know."

FIFY
Velcome.
0>;~}

Posted by: DL Sly at February 18, 2014 04:55 PM

Heh.... that's exactly what I was suggesting :)

But I did have to Google "FIFY".

Posted by: Cassandra at February 18, 2014 05:06 PM

Sooooo....

Which injury gets the ID10T code?

This one perhaps.

Posted by: Yu-Ain Gonnano at February 18, 2014 05:18 PM

htom:

Just be happy you don't live in LA.

It was a real weenie-shrinker. From arguably my favorite movie, ever:

Gail, News Anchor: And what a surprise this weekend when the weather turned unseasonably low. Here's Harris Telemacher, our "wacky weatherman" with a report.

Harris: And when the weather dropped down to 58 degrees this weekend, how did you cope?

Man: I went to make sure all the windows were shut.

Harris: And, what about your pets? Were they outside? What happened?

Man: Well, the cats were out till around ten. But it got a little too cold for them and they came in.

Harris: The cats were out till around ten. But it got a little too cold for them and they came in! Well, that's how L.A. coped with that surprise low of 58 degrees that turned the weekend into a real weenie shrinker!

Posted by: Harris K. Telemacher at February 18, 2014 05:24 PM

The only thing funnier is watching the local northern VA weatherdudes covering the 1/2 inch SNOWPOCOLYPSE in Loudon County.

Posted by: Harris K. Telemacher at February 18, 2014 05:26 PM

I can only suggest checking out the radio story that can easily be found by searching for "armageddon" and "gerbil" on YouTube.

Posted by: Texan99 at February 18, 2014 05:28 PM

Yanno... I had totally forgotten that gerbil's name :p

Posted by: Harris K. Telemacher at February 18, 2014 05:41 PM

Thanks to one and all for brightening my day!

Posted by: CAPT Mike at February 18, 2014 10:00 PM

"But I did have to Google "FIFY"."

Well, it's only fair. Given that my second language is Profanity, I have to use a translator every time y'all start with the French...which reminds me, I still need to translate Grim's caption entry.....
0>;~}

Posted by: DL Sly at February 19, 2014 01:57 PM

Wow! Is this really post number 5000?
How very fucking cool!!
0>:~}

Posted by: DL Sly at February 19, 2014 01:58 PM

Or scary. Think of the thousands that got lost during my many hiatuses (hiatii???) :)

Posted by: Cass at February 19, 2014 05:47 PM

It's very fucking cool, dammit!
Period.
0>;~}

Posted by: DL Sly at February 19, 2014 08:24 PM

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