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February 25, 2014

Off On A Tangent...

Grim has a fun post up about jokes that require you be a *little* smarter than a fifth grader to understand. At the end of the list (you can tell by the number, btw, not to mention the fact that there aren't any more jokes afterward 0>;~}), is this:

25. A programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.” The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.

And it got me to thinking of this gem...

I now return you to your regularly scheduled snark, and "stimulating conversation" as Mike D. so eloquently put it ....

Posted by DL Sly at February 25, 2014 10:51 PM

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Eloquent. Flattery will get you everywhere, Sly. But funny story, I'm the one who does the grocery shopping in our family. As such, it used to be a real issue for me having to get a shopping list out of my wife over the phone. The conversation would go something like this:
Me: "So, what do we need?"
Her: "Soda. And butter. Oh, and toilet paper."
Me: "Is that it?"
Her: "Get some paper towels too."
Me: "Ok, anything else?"
Her: "No, I think that's it."
Me: "Ok, see you so..."
Her: "Wait! We also need eggs!"
Me: "Fine. Anything else?"
Her: "Um..."
Me: "..."
Her: "Uh, how about grab me some chocolate."
Me: "Anything else?"
Her: "..."
Me: "..."


And while this conversation is a lot of fun to have, I'd much rather get the list and go. And around this same time, I used to completely hate the concept of texting (yes, there is a point to this, bear with me). If you have a phone in your hand, why are you typing out a message to the other person. But since we dumped our land line and switched to cells, I finally understand. I let her know I'm headed to the store, and she texts me a complete list. And best of all, if she forgets to put something important on that list, it doesn't mean an extra trip out to the store for me later, because she can just text me the additional item while I'm at the store.

Posted by: MikeD at February 26, 2014 08:23 AM

MikeD, you sound like MH wrt shopping lists. Although, I must admit that I'm a little better than your wife (Spice? Or am I misremembering someone else's wife?) when it comes to the initial list, buuuuttt, that's because I keep a runnning list of things we're out of on a white board on the fridge. 0>;~}
As for texting, I was of the same mind until I found out that MH will actually text me when he is going to be later than normal getting home, when I ask a question or have a request. That never happened even when he had a cell phone w/o texting capabilities. Same with the teenage VES.
Who knew that family communication in the 21st century would come 160 characters at a time!?

"Flattery will get you everywhere, Sly."

Well, I try.

Posted by: DL Sly at February 26, 2014 12:24 PM

Around here the issue is this:

Wife: "I really need X!"

Me: "OK, I'm about to go out, I'll grab some."

Wife: "Let me write a list of everything else we need!"

Five hours later, I have a list that includes everything we sort-of remotely need... except X, the one thing we urgently need, because she set out to make a list of "everything else."

Usually I remember what it was and get it even though it didn't make the list. But sometimes...

Posted by: Grim at February 26, 2014 12:51 PM

Fortunately for me, we have a nice grocery store within VES walking distance so anything that got forgotten in *town* can be picked up there for less than the price of gas to go back and get it cheaper at the bigger store. This won't be the story forever, though, as we will eventually find a home to buy, and I can guarantee it won't be as conveniently located as this rental house is now.
But that's a perk in the *big picture* scheme of things.

Posted by: DL Sly at February 26, 2014 01:59 PM

- the jokes vary between ok & good; mostly intended to make folks feel good about 'getting it.' . . . I especially liked the binary 10 joke.
and nearly nobody knows about a murder of crows.
- the tall comedienne is *brilliant!*
reminds me of Carol Burnett in some ways.

- having retired from the nuclear Submarine Navy after thirty years, I am hopelessly addicted to checklists . . . some of your hubbies probably mock us for that. and their right!

Very Best Regards,

Posted by: CAPT Mike at February 26, 2014 08:04 PM

CAPT Mike,
"I am hopelessly addicted to checklists..."
You say that like it's a *bad* thing.
MH and I, both, use checklists religiously -- in fact, today I just re-wrote my most recent one to clean it up so that the ones I'd gotten done over the weekend wouldn't get confused with ones in between that hadn't been completed yet.

Posted by: DL Sly at February 27, 2014 12:37 AM

I have a love-hate relationship with checklists.

I use them extensively at work because my job involves so many nitnoid, unrelated projects that it's hard to keep everything straight. I did almost all of these things myself for years and didn't need lists - it was all in my head and it all got done somehow.

Now that I am delegating the work to other people on my team, I had to find a way to get the "to do lists" out of my head and out where other people could use them. So the lists actually make it possible to delegate without having to step in and micromanage every step of the way.

They've also proved useful as a communication tool. I didn't realize how much work some of these things were until I was forced to list all the tasks needed to accomplish various jobs.

But I don't really like lists. They're a useful tool, but I never create them unless I'm sort of forced to.

Posted by: Cassandra at February 27, 2014 10:03 AM

Hi again Cass,
My civilian job wound up being a Project Manager for power plant projects. As the grumpy head of the Engineering Dept liked to repeat,often, 'a Project Manager is just a guy with a list of lists' (especially our schedules, budgets, and cost reports) that we diligently updated, and cross checked!
. . . and he was *right!*

Very Best Regards,

Posted by: CAPT Mike at February 28, 2014 01:24 AM

Well, I will admit that my lists are based on week-, month- and even season-long timeframes. But that's one of the joys of being retired, the only things that have to be taken care of are the bills. Then there are the things I *want* to get done "now" or "soon" or "by *this time*". This is where my lists develop.

Posted by: DL Sly at February 28, 2014 03:17 AM

Well, now that I think of it, when I was a stay at home Mom with small children, I made more long term lists (and sometimes even daily lists) to give my days some structure.

It's been so long that I had forgotten :p

They were a way of setting goals for myself so I didn't just drift along aimlessly. I spent a lot of time trying to improve the way our houses and yards looked, so there were always projects.

But they were mostly long term lists.

Posted by: Cassandra at February 28, 2014 09:32 AM

Yeah, my list right now is focused on getting done inside the house that which can be during the snowed-in days, so that when spring comes around I'm ready to get started on the outdoor list and garden. This year that includes building two wooden walkways: one from the bottom of the deck stairs to cross the front of the wood pile (two falls for MH while trying to bring in wood and too many additional close calls make this a necessity before next winter) and one from the Master Bedroom door to the hot tub so one doesn't have to walk on rocks and mud or frozen ground when going back and forth.

Posted by: DL Sly at February 28, 2014 03:22 PM

I just laughed my way through the comedienne, then made my own resident Left Brain watch it again with me.

We're very familiar with the home-made food that must be taken to any house of illness or [**passing**]. But I can't get used to saying people have ". . . passed [ducking head]." I just say they've died. Or joined the Choir Unseen.

The local Woman's Club even has an organized roster for making sure food gets taken to an afflicted house, which is how it should be. When people are dealing with hospitals and out-of-town guests and funerals, they shouldn't have to cook, too.

Posted by: Texan99 at March 1, 2014 11:56 AM

Having grown up with some seriously old-school Mountain William family members, I knew what the look she was describing was when I first heard this on the radio several years ago. I had seen it so many times growing up that just the phraseology she uses and the long pause immediately brings that head ducked image to mind.

Posted by: DL Sly at March 1, 2014 02:06 PM

I have to pause and think of something other to say, having grown up with the "passed :head bow:" thing that I know isn't usually recognized. So I usually end up saying "... :pause: died ..." which still has people looking at me strangely. Ah well.

Posted by: htom at March 1, 2014 02:13 PM

We usually say "passed on" for the elderly, and something else if someone died young. "Passed on" carries a connotation, where I grew up, of the completion of a long journey in its fullness. If something happened suddenly, it is not used.

Posted by: Grim at March 1, 2014 03:29 PM

Tangent = Opposite / Adjacent

Posted by: CAPT Mike at March 1, 2014 07:47 PM

You are correct sir! Even after how many beers?

Posted by: DL Sly at March 1, 2014 09:14 PM

Hi Sly,
at 7:47? maybe four.
'm not loquacious till midwatch.
Best Regards,

Posted by: CAPT Mike at March 2, 2014 08:14 PM

Howdy CAPT,
In case you haven't noticed, most of my posting times are much later in the night, after I've had my "focusing fuel".

Posted by: DL Sly at March 2, 2014 09:07 PM

Mankind's 10 Stages of Drunkenness (Dan Jenkins)
1. Witty and Charming
2. Rich and Powerful
3. Benevolent
4. Clairvoyant
5. F*ck Dinner
6. Patriotic
7. Crank Up the Enola Gay
8. Witty and Charming, Part II
9. Invisible
10. Bulletproof

Posted by: Texan99 at March 3, 2014 09:22 AM