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February 14, 2014

The Procrastinator's Guide to Buying Memorable VDay Gifts

Every year at about this time, the Editorial Staff inveigh against the horror that is Valentine's Day. But because we are all about the caring and sharing, every year we womanfully strive to help the Oink Cadre impress their significant others with a gift that truly reeks of thoughtfulness and empathy.

So without further ado, we present this year's last minute gift list - carefully chosen to make a lasting impression on the lady (or gent) in your life.

#1 Choice:

Feeling tongue-tied? Let Mr. Romance do the work for you!


2. With this dandy little gift, the object of your affections will always carry a little piece of you with them:


3. Nothing says "I put a *&^%load of thought into this )%^@^%$# so-called holiday" like Build-a-Bear:


4. It's the thought that counts... Really.

5. Please tell me this is a cooking implement....

6. A new twist on an old favorite... plus, you can say you made it yourself!


7. The Nanny State wants you to get lucky:


8. Don't have a "special someone" to spend the holiday with? There's always Craigslist:

My friend and I are 2 mid-twenty guys in Boston from some where far away on business. Don't ask us where we're from - you've probably only seen it in movies. We're old enough to be successful (I bet you have our app on your phone) but still young enough to have fun and not have wrinkly balls.

We're looking for 2 females interested in spending their Valentine's Day with 2 pretty awesome dudes. We like to eat and get fat on good tasty food (even though we're both pretty fit). We're willing to buy you dinner and dessert in exchange for some awesome company. We don't really care if your "boyfriend" is out of town or that you were dumped last week and we're not dudes who expect you to eat a salad - Get that big ass steak and a bud light. Maybe not the bud light though, lets go for something classier like a Mai Tai or one of those girly Apple-Tini things like in "The Social Network".

Sheer magic.

9. A bouquet of roses is, like, so unimaginative:

bouquet of puppies.jpg

10. For the do-it-yourselfer in your life: the personalized Love Kit.

Bonus gift for pachyderm lovers.

Posted by Cassandra at February 14, 2014 08:21 AM

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I hate to admit it but there was a time - pretty much between the ages of 19 and, well, not 24 but maybe 22 - that I would have given serious consideration to answering that Craigslist ad - along with my college roommate. (I'm assuming that if I were that age now, I'd know who Zedd is and not be missing any clues that indicate sex is a required rather than merely a possible outcome of the evening. Yes, it's a miracle I survived to my current ripe old age.)

As for last minute Valentine's Day gifts, my husband has come up with the all-time winner: he's shoveling the foot+ of snow that fell yesterday while I stay inside, warm and dry. Let me tell you, nothing says, "I love you" like "No, I don't want any help doing brutal physical labor in miserable conditions."

Posted by: Elise at February 14, 2014 10:11 AM

Amen, Elise :)

Yesterday I woke up with a migraine. Storms are my worst trigger for these stupid things. And the Spousal Unit went outside and shoveled most of the driveway before I was feeling well enough to get dressed and help.

I did spend about an hour helping him get the last 5-6 feet of the driveway, but BOY was I glad I didn't have to do the whole thing myself! He also did the walk and front porch and shoveled out the 3 foot snowdrifts just outside the French doors in the back.

That sort of thing makes me feel far more loved than a present once a year. It's the little things that matter - bringing me a cup of coffee in the morning when he makes his, sharing his "razor toast", etc.

He came in this morning whilst I was writing this post and say, "Yikes! V-Day! I completely forgot!"

And I said, "Well, I didn't get you anything either so I wouldn't worry about it :)" Though I may just bake him a spice cake for dessert.

Posted by: Cass at February 14, 2014 10:27 AM

Winter has been so brutal this year in South Texas that on three or four occasions I was forced to wear socks with my sandals.

So the NPH hasn't been called on to shovel any driveways on my behalf, but he did lay in supplies for my favorite Valentine's Day treat: lamb and beet borscht. Has to be tried to be believed.

Grim has up a story that reminds me of your experiences. God bless men, their strong backs, and their generosity.

Posted by: Texan99 at February 14, 2014 11:09 AM

As I get ready to drive through the latest snowstorm to pick up MH's present, a *bouquet* of beef sticks and a bag of peanut M&M's, I'm also marinating teriyaki pork for dinner to be served with saffron rice, crisp fried green beans and homemade sweet bread rolls.
Can you tell the VES is not around this weekend? She is currently swimming in her high school's state meet.
We don't go out much anymore. We prefer the flavors I create in the kitchen these days over the idea of someone else cooking and cleaning. Not to mention it's much cheaper and I don't have to deal with *other people*.
Happy VD everyone! Lactose the Intolerant has a great VD post up at IMAO, btw.

Posted by: DL Sly at February 14, 2014 12:29 PM

BTW, I'd take #9 anyday, but MH has this thing about not letting me have all the puppies I want until we own our own place again.

Posted by: DL Sly at February 14, 2014 12:30 PM

I was thinking the same thing. I must not let the LG see the pictures of the puppies. Three kids age 4 and under is more than enough work.

Posted by: Yu-Ain Gonnano at February 14, 2014 01:44 PM

I love the idea of a bouquet of puppies :)

Posted by: Cass at February 14, 2014 02:11 PM

"Bonus gift for pachyderm lovers."

Now, I've sent you better pictures than that. Did you lose them? I can resend them, yanno.....anytime.

Posted by: DL Sly at February 14, 2014 05:53 PM

You're having waay too much fun w/ this.

Posted by: CAPT Mike at February 14, 2014 07:23 PM

Awww, CAPT, now you, of people should know there ain't no such thing as "too much fun".

Posted by: DL Sly at February 14, 2014 07:34 PM

In my little world, we weren't having fun till the XO ran an unscheduled casualty drill on Christmas Day a month out in the North Pacific (fiction), or the CO scheduled an optional extra underway shakedown run to depart on Dec 30th (my anniversary) so that the crew would be spared the risks of excessive New Year's Eve celebrations (*true!*).

Posted by: CAPT Mike at February 16, 2014 09:47 PM

I can resend them, yanno.....anytime

*Cringing* in terror :p

What can I say? I'm a boring princess.

Posted by: Cassandra at February 17, 2014 10:25 AM