February 06, 2014
You Really Don't Want to Google "Amorous Pig"
And thus she spoke in thrilling tone, —
Fast fell the tear-drops big: —
“Ah! woe is me! Alas! Alas!
The Pig! The Pig! The Pig!”
- [wait for it....] Oliver Wendell Holmes
Posted by Cassandra at February 6, 2014 05:50 PM
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I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want to google an amorous pig, either. But what I really want to know is why you would even want to do so in the first place?
Posted by: DL Sly at February 6, 2014 07:29 PM
That'll do, pig. That'll do.
I SAID THAT"S ENOUGH!
Posted by: Farmer Hoggett at February 6, 2014 11:30 PM
A story from the late, great Lewis Grizzard:
A farmer had 5 female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything fifty-fifty. The farmers lived sixty miles apart, so they agreed to drive thirty miles each and find a field in which to let the pigs mate
The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 a.m., loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, (which was the only vehicle he had) and drove the thirty miles. While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?"
The other farmer replied, "If they're lying in the grass tomorrow morning, they're pregnant. If they're in the mud, they're not."
The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud, so he hosed them off, loaded them into the family station wagon again and proceeded to try again.
This continued each morning for more than a week and both farmers were worn out.
The next morning he was too tired to get out of bed. He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass."
"Neither," yelled his wife, "They're up in the station wagon, honking the horn."
Posted by: Grim at February 6, 2014 11:51 PM
I refuse to google "amorous bacon" on general principle...
Posted by: OBloodyHell, I'll Wait... at February 7, 2014 08:43 PM
Old joke, grim, and not always one involving pigs.
Posted by: OBloodyHell, I'll Wait... at February 7, 2014 08:45 PM
Of course it's an old joke. Saint Lewis has been dead for twenty years this year. We miss him, though.
Posted by: Grim at February 8, 2014 11:44 AM
I recall a game using little plastic pigs as dice.
If they rolled out a certain way, it was called 'macon bacon,' and won the round.
As I grew up in Western Washington, with nary a real pig for maybe 1,500 miles or more, I have no earthly idea how they actually behave.
Posted by: CAPT Mike at February 8, 2014 11:28 PM
}}} As I grew up in Western Washington, with nary a real pig for maybe 1,500 miles
Northern Cali is major farm country. Can't imagine you're that far away from a pig. Plus they go feral pretty easily and reproduce like... well, pigs.
Pigs, are, by the way, one of THE most dangerous animals to hunt, even worse than lions. You hurt a lion, it'll retreat, but a pig will come after you with a vengeance.
If you've never seen a "boar spear", that's a normal spear with a 2" cross piece (about an inch on either side of the shaft) about 2' back from the spearhead.
Why? Because a boar will get stabbed in the face, and run right up the spear to get at you. The crossbar makes that far less possible. They are mean and smart and vicious.
Kinda like humans, in that way.
Posted by: OBloodyHell, I'll Wait... at February 9, 2014 11:08 PM
}}} Of course it's an old joke. Saint Lewis has been dead for twenty years this year. We miss him, though.
It was old when HE learned it... :-D
Posted by: OBloodyHell, I'll Wait... at February 9, 2014 11:10 PM
OK, color me surprised at pigs in Cali. Don't let the folks in/South of SanFran know or they will surely ban them.
Pigs are indeed dangerous prey, but they are not nearly as dangerous as Brown Bears (same thing as Grizzly).
I've read that wild Water Buffalo are also quite dangerous.
. . . and this all neglects anything like hunting crocodiles on their turf.
and no hard feelings, but many have observed similarities between pigs and people.
Posted by: CAPT Mike at February 13, 2014 12:45 AM