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March 24, 2014

"Fairness" in Everything, NCAA Edition

This is brilliant:

President Barack Obama stunned the sports world this morning by using his pen and telephone to impose important new regulations on the NCAA tournament. Noting rampant inequality in athletics department budgets across the nation's higher education establishments, Obama has charged the IRS with the immediate implementation of a point system that will be fair for all.

"The bottom line is, every team should have the same chance this country gives to the top 1 percent of universities with athletics programs. Too many teams enter the tournament without a realistic chance of achieving the American Dream. Selection into the NCAA tournament is an empty promise unless we also do more to make sure our system honors the dignity of work, and hard work pays off for every single tournament player."

Accordingly, the IRS has ranked the 68 teams in the tournament according to their athletics budgets and has given point subsidies on a sliding scale to institutions whose budgets are below the national average.

Obama acknowledges that the system, like every big initiative, may need some tweaking, so he will be using his pen and telephone at halftime to ensure that every team has a fair shot at the prize. In some cases, to ensure that deserving players stay in the game, he may tweak the number of permissible fouls. In other cases, he may change the location of the three-point arc or give a player who has missed the front end of a one-and-one foul shot the chance at a second shot.

Aides are studying a change in the arbitrary time deadline for the end of the game.

Speaking of brackets, maybe we can get the President interested in this one:

Posted by Cassandra at March 24, 2014 08:04 AM

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Comments

That was brilliant. And it was encouraging to see some college students on camera who seemed to have heard of some of these scandals, and even to understand what was infuriating about them. A nice switch from polls in which large chunks of the population don't know that the Earth takes a year to go around the sun.

A quick survey of a few college-aged kids of friends in 2012 showed me that Benghazi wasn't even on their radar screens--but I imagine they've mostly heard of the botched Obamacare rollout and the NSA spying.

Posted by: Texan99 at March 24, 2014 10:24 AM

Yes, Tex, it is nice to see that some of these students actually knew all of these scandals. However, so sad that the deaths of an American Ambassador and three others who were tasked with protecting him doesn't get the outrage that they rightly deserve.
*sigh*

Posted by: DL Sly at March 24, 2014 11:42 AM

Brilliant!
Though I'd quibble about the seeding methodology.

Posted by: CAPT Mike at March 24, 2014 07:52 PM

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