« Important Iffy Prosecution Update | Main | In Defense of Truthiness »

March 07, 2014

Hands Off My Remote!!!

Tex linked to this story over at Grim's place:

A machine that delivers an orgasm at the push of a button has been patented in the US. The implant could help women whose lives have been blighted by an inability to achieve orgasms naturally.

Orgasmic dysfunction is not uncommon among women, says Julia Cole, a psychosexual therapist and consultant with Relate, the relationship counselling service. And a number of issues can cause it, says Jim Pfaus, who studies the neurobiology of sexual behaviour at Concordia University in Montreal.

"Some women confuse what's called sympathetic arousal, like increased heart rate, clammy hands, nerves and so on, with fear," he explains. "That makes them want to get out of the situation." Psychotherapy is a common treatment for the condition, although if anxiety is a factor, patients may also be prescribed valium. "But valium can actually delay orgasm," says Pfaus.

The patient remains conscious during the operation to help the surgeon find the best position for the electrodes. Stuart Meloy, a surgeon at Piedmont Anesthesia and Pain Consultants in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, made the breakthrough came one day when he failed to hit the right spot. "I was placing the electrodes and suddenly the woman started exclaiming emphatically," he says. "I asked her what was up and she said, 'You're going to have to teach my husband to do that'."

Meloy expects clinical trials to begin later this year with Medtronic, a company based in Minneapolis. He says the stimulating wires could connect to a signal generator smaller than a packet of cigarettes implanted under the skin of one of the patient's buttocks. "Then you'd have a hand-held remote control to trigger it," he says.

Combine the well documented masculine love of pushing buttons and getting a reaction with the fact that in over 3 decades of marriage, we still have not figured out how to pry the Spousal Unit's hands off the TV remote and this story is terrifying...

Posted by Cassandra at March 7, 2014 08:54 AM

Trackback Pings

TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.villainouscompany.com/mt/mt-tb.cgi/5020

Comments

It does give all new meaning to "he keeps pushing my buttons."

Posted by: MikeD at March 7, 2014 10:14 AM

And "hogging the remote"! :p

Posted by: Cassandra at March 7, 2014 11:03 AM

Just wait until it's WiFi enabled. Skype will never be the same.

Posted by: Yu-Ain Gonnano at March 7, 2014 11:41 AM

Yeah, I'm quaking.

But it could be an issue if the neighbor's garage-door remote control uses a similar frequency.

Posted by: Texan99 at March 7, 2014 04:14 PM

Or, heaven forfend, the video game controller (don't know what those **&&^ things are called).

Joysticks?

Ewww..... :)

Posted by: Cassandra at March 7, 2014 04:34 PM

Kindle & other e-readers need to be enhance with the appropriate transmitter, so that books of the "Fifty Shades" type can be tagged to generate the signal at the appropriate point(s) in the text.

Off to file patent application!

Posted by: David Foster at March 7, 2014 04:44 PM

Or, heaven forfend, the video game controller (don't know what those **&&^ things are called).

Oh Miss Cass. How I would love to pat you on your sainted head. They are indeed called video game controllers (or just "controllers") these days. Joystick has been out of circulation for quite a while now. But are you just the most precious thing! ;)

Posted by: MikeD at March 7, 2014 04:59 PM

*aren't

Posted by: MikeD at March 7, 2014 04:59 PM

Joystick has been out of circulation for quite a while now.

I was afraid of that, but just couldn't resist the awful pun.

Posted by: Cassandra at March 7, 2014 05:11 PM

Kindle & other e-readers need to be enhance with the appropriate transmitter, so that books of the "Fifty Shades" type can be tagged to generate the signal at the appropriate point(s) in the text.

Good Lord. I might even have to start reading romance novels...

Posted by: Cassandra at March 7, 2014 05:12 PM

Rrrrramon (the extra "r's" are for the rolling r sound), famous latin lover and master of the flamenco and tango styles of dancing, is confused by this topic. Unsatisfied women? This is hypothetical, yes? Rrrrramon has never experienced being with an unsatsfied woman, as the loud, nightly cries of female pleasure emanating from Rrrrramon's muy swanky penthouse will attesto. Come to me, mujeres, and I will speak to you the language of love! No batteries needed.

-- Rrrrramon de Velasquez y Puntas Arenas

Posted by: a former european at March 7, 2014 05:42 PM

Dave Barry's review of "50 Shades of Grey" is worth reading, too.

Posted by: Texan99 at March 7, 2014 07:25 PM

Female orgasms??? That's crazy talk!


A visual if I may: CLICK

Posted by: Joatmoaf at March 8, 2014 11:32 AM

Post a comment

To reduce comment spam, comments on older posts are put into moderation 5 days after the last activity. Comments with more than one link also go into moderation. If you don't see your comment after posting it, try refreshing the screen. If you still don't see it, your comment is probably in the moderation queue.




Remember Me?

(you may use HTML tags for style)