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April 01, 2014

Skin Care Tips from Planet Biden

Men of VC, take note.

The Vice President, whose recent induction into the elite ranks of Famous People With Planets Named After Them made so many loser celebrities feel bad about themselves, has finally decided to come clean with the nation on the secret behind his peaches and cream complexion:

Joe Biden has admitted that he maintains his youthful complexion with facial products from Clinique.

The Vice President taped an episode of the Rachel Ray Show today to promote Obamacare enrollment and said that his wife Dr Jill Biden got him to start using the SPF creams.

'On Jill’s instructions about five years ago she said I should use Clinique. And there’s a men’s version that has SPF 20, she was worried about my face. So I do whatever Jill tells me,' he said of his wife, who holds a doctorate in education.

In these times of shared sacrifice and responsibility, it makes us feel positively empowered to see our nation's leaders are willing to pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of ObamaCare:

After President Barack Obama got to do “Between Two Ferns” with Zach Galifianakis in the White House push to get young people to sign up for health coverage, Vice President Joe Biden was dispatched to talk to their mothers on The “Rachael Ray Show” in an interview that aired Monday.

Mr. Biden became the latest top administration official to subject himself to awkward ribbing in exchange for a chance to pitch the health law, telling Ms. Ray about his skincare regime.

Ms. Ray, who said she met the vice president a few months ago at the White House, asked what she characterized as a sensitive question. “You have the most glowing, perfect skin of any person I’ve ever seen. I really want to know what moisturizer you use. I love moisturizers!” Mr. Biden said he uses a men’s Clinique that has SPF 20.

She also asked the vice president whether he still has time to participate in April Fool’s Day, which is Tuesday. Mr. Biden said a few years ago he was boarding his vice presidential plane, dubbed Air Force Two, and wondering where his wife, Jill Biden, was. “We get on Air Force Two, we’re flying and I‘m saying ‘Where the hell is Jill and I open up the baggage compartment on top, above ya know, and she jumps out of the compartment! This is the second lady of the United States of America and jumping out of the overhead baggage compartment.”

He was allowed to make his hard sell, though. “Today’s the deadline and I think everyone is going to be really surprised and pleased how well this has turned out,” he said. “Anybody who is in line now, anybody who is on the web, in person being interviews and/or on the telephone they are able to even if the deadline closes to stay in line. They can get into the system… Get in the queue now. Get in the queue – there’s still time today,” he said.

Next up, the Secretary of State shares his experiences with Botox.

Get in the queue, gentlemen. The Clinique queue. You know you want to.

Posted by Cassandra at April 1, 2014 08:16 AM

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You know what Putin does for April Fool's day?

He stuffs any one stupid enough to ask him about moisturizers into an overhead luggage compartment.

Posted by: Yu-Ain Gonnano at April 1, 2014 10:58 AM

We need to know Biden's hair restoration secrete. * * *

Posted by: Bill Wilson at April 1, 2014 01:09 PM

Ferget that! I wanna know about that great, big, giant brain of his.
I mean, that's why his head is so fat, right?

Posted by: Evil Twin at April 1, 2014 01:26 PM

Yanno, Joe, anybody regular person wouldn't have been able to stuff their wife in an overhead compartment. Oh no! We would have had to check our wives as baggage. Goddamned load of privileged bull crap if you ask me.

Posted by: spd rdr at April 1, 2014 03:02 PM

and this guy /genuinely/ believes he's qualified to be POTUS!
Dan Quayle ought to be pleased; he's now the third most notoriously foolish VP in living memory.

Posted by: CAPT Mike at April 1, 2014 05:02 PM

Oh no! We would have had to check our wives as baggage.

Ppppptttthhhhhhhhhhhhh :)

Posted by: Sometimes You're Carry-on, Sometimes You're Just an Old Bag... at April 1, 2014 06:31 PM