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June 25, 2014

It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time....

File under "For *this* we pay taxes????"

Environmental Protection Agency workers have done some odd things recently.

Contractors built secret man caves in an EPA warehouse, an employee pretended to work for the CIA to get unlimited vacations and one worker even spent most of his time on the clock looking at pornography.

It appears, however, that a regional office has reached a new low: Management for Region 8 in Denver, Colo., wrote an email earlier this year to all staff in the area pleading with them to stop inappropriate bathroom behavior, including defecating in the hallway.

In the email, obtained by Government Executive, Deputy Regional Administrator Howard Cantor mentioned “several incidents” in the building, including clogging the toilets with paper towels and “an individual placing feces in the hallway” outside the restroom.

Confounded by what to make of this occurrence, EPA management “consulted” with workplace violence “national expert” John Nicoletti, who said that hallway feces is in fact a health and safety risk. He added the behavior was “very dangerous” and the individuals responsible would “probably escalate” their actions.

“Management is taking this situation very seriously and will take whatever actions are necessary to identify and prosecute these individuals,” Cantor wrote. He asked for any employees with knowledge of the poop bandit or bandits to notify their supervisor.

Sometimes, the "comedy" just writes "itself".


$20,000 here, $20,000 there. Sooner or later, it adds up to real money Just a drop in the bucket:

The stunning story made national network news: Agency heads were squandering taxpayer money by commissioning painters to produce vanity portraits of themselves, suitable for framing.

But buried in a recent Congressional Budget Office report scoring Senate legislation to address the situation is the slightly snarkily expressed verdict that the problem is actually minuscule.

The bill, S. 1820, reported by the Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee on May 21, was introduced in December by Sens. Jeanne Shaheen, D-N.H.; Tom Coburn, R-Okla.; and Deb Fisher, R-Neb. It would limit to $20,000 the federal funds that may be used for portraits of officials in the line of succession to the presidency, and prohibit funding for agency heads outside the line of succession. Under the bill, funds may be used to display such portraits, which may also be paid for privately.

But CBO estimates that implementing S. 1820 “would have no significant effect on the federal budget.” Current appropriations law prohibits the use of federal funds for portraits in fiscal 2014, the nonpartisan scorekeepers wrote. Likely, the cost “would be less than $500,000 annually because we expect fewer than 20 portraits are purchased for federal officials not in the line of succession to the presidency in most years.”

Dang. If only there were some guy who was willing to scour the federal budget line by line, eliminating wasteful spending.

Posted by Cassandra at June 25, 2014 03:08 PM

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Careful Cass, you. Could drive yourself b*tsh*t nuts compiling the lies, d*mn lies, and outrageous boneheaded obvious lies.

Posted by: CAPT Mike at June 26, 2014 02:47 AM

Yeah, well fortunately for her, it's not a long trip, and she'll be entertained along the way.

Posted by: Evil Twin at June 26, 2014 01:48 PM

The workplace violence experts warned that the poop situation could escalate. The imagination quails.

Posted by: Texan99 at June 26, 2014 04:15 PM

And wouldn't you love to work in an office where management was so helpless it needed to hire an expert to advise what to do about employees leaving poop in the hallway? Apparently that's not enough to get a civil servant fired.

I don't understand why they can't treat malefactors of this kind with the same toolset they bring to bear against whistleblowers. That always seems to work.

Posted by: Texan99 at June 26, 2014 04:16 PM

The solution is simple: I, the President of the United States, should mock them sarcastically from my big, bad bully pulpit.

Posted by: Barack Obama at June 26, 2014 04:29 PM

"I don't understand why they can't treat malefactors of this kind with the same toolset they bring to bear against whistleblowers."

Oh, that's easy. It's the difference in where the *whistle* come from.
And you called yourself a lawyer.
Silly Tex.

Posted by: Evil Twin at June 26, 2014 05:32 PM